Losing my oldest son so unexpectedly ripped away any sign of joy in my life for a time.
Instead, I lived in a constant state of fear and grief. Fear for my surviving son, as an unknown virus took his brother without warning. And grief, I learned quickly, comes in all stages at once and backwards, not a perfect timeline as the list might indicate.
I yearned for normalcy. For the life we knew and loved. Even the hard days and the simple things we took for granted.
Instead, I was locked into a rollercoaster nightmare beyond my control. I couldn't sleep but when I did flashes of that night took over me. I lived my days on auto pilot but was very much in a state of shock.
The world is in a state of shock right now. Life as we all know it has been turned upside down. In the midst of a pandemic most of us are also dealing with everyday trials. And in addition to that the added stress and load that comes with unexpected change.
Trouble didn't stop because of covid-19; in fact, it just inflated it.
If you were already dealing with marital issues, sickness, financial instability, or any number of things the pandemic has likely only increased it. And new stressors no one could have ever imagined like school and home offices existing in the same tiny spaces, or the sudden loss of multiple incomes in a family unit, or struggling with food and personal care shortages.
Joy in the midst of all of this could seem almost laughable to some. Unfathomable to many. Impossible to most.
But it is possible. What I learned in my grief journey is that joy is a choice. It is making the effort everyday to find even one glimmer of hope in the midst of darkness. It is opening yourself up the possibilities you never knew before. To learn that joy and sadness can coexist. It doesn't happen overnight and some days are more of a struggle than others. But Joy can become a habit. It can become so common that you no longer have to search for it, it finds you.
In an effort to bring a bit of good news and a source of hope in a world that is drowning I am going to start writing here again to share simple joys I find in every day. My prayer is that it helps you in some small way.
I'm not sure how often I'll share but I will make an effort to do so regularly. If it isn't enough for you feel free to browse the over a decade of material on the side bar.
Life is certainly different than when I wrote before. Currently I'm dictating this post from my phone so forgive the many errors.
Joyfully yours...
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