Tuesday Tidbits

Ever had a day where you just smile on the inside?
Where...you can't quite say why, but it is just a good-good day?

That's been the case round' here lately.

This afternoon, windows down and radio on high, hair blowin' through the breeze, I looked up at the pale blue sky and fluffy white clouds and smiled at God.  Gratitude for the simpleness, the good, the joy, for no reason other than it was here and I was glad.

I love days like that.  When you've had your share of rainy days, sunshine soothes the soul!

And I'm not talking the yellow ball in the sky here, folks, although it has been amazingly nice for July.
Like uncommonly mild temps for this time of year.  In fact, last night as we were lingering outside on the deck, I had to pull a blanket over my legs.  Crazy to be cold in the middle of summer!

All the worries of the world just melt away here!

It was just so nice to sit outside on a July night and not be dripping in sweat.  Most of the summer, you'll usually find me retreating indoors.  I'm a wimp, I admit it.  My hubby knows I'm usually only interested in fishing at the start and end of the season.  Because this chick just doesn't do sweaty.  It doesn't agree with my personality.  So to find autumn-like weather in what should be sweltering summer puts this girl in a pretty good mood.

But it's not the weather that has me smiling.

It's the plateau.


Life is full of valleys and mountains.  Peaks and lows.  Although I do rather enjoy the highs, I'm even more content when there is a lull.  No excitement, no flash.  I'll take good ole' routine any day.

Here's a few of my favorite simple moments this month that have brought me joy...

Black Cherry and Chocolate snow cones.  Yum!

Austin's memorial tree has bloomed beautifully for his birthday month.

The kids have actually been requesting "tech free" and asked to play games instead.  Love!

And we welcomed a new fur baby into our home.
Meet Dewey "Roscoe" Blair.  He's so happy he smiles!

Simpler Times

I've been on a quest for days of old.  From the time of my childhood where less was more.

Several weeks ago we brought back Tech Free Time, where every evening all things techie go on the desk.  We have dinner while having face to face conversations; and a couple hours devoted to each other, instead of letting gadgets steal our precious moments.

Learning how to bake bread came at a great time, as I've been more conscious of the food we're eating.  Less processed, more made from scratch - the way Grandma did.  Last night I made chicken Alfredo lasagna and homemade breadsticks.

Tina said, "how do you even make alfredo?  doesn't it just come in a jar?"

I've trimmed and cut, shuffled and rearranged the budget the past few months, thanks to my unexpected stint in unemployment.  My coupon scissors have been dusted off and finding deals has again brought me joy.  And now, we're ready to downsize our television.

Because $1200 is an insane price to pay for watching a big black screen.

Of course, the kids think I'm a little insane.  But truly, with as many choices as are out there now, I just can't justify being a slave to satellite prices.  Where price cuts are only given to new customers and loyalty is rewarded by increased bills, it is time for me to say farewell.

We've had Netflix awhile and I was familiar with other viewing options, but I worried about losing our local news (and giving up Good Morning America).  Up until a few days ago, I didn't realize antennas still existed. Or rather, I didn't know how advanced they had become.  In my mind, I still imagined rabbit ears with tin foil attached.  And that really doesn't match my decor.

But after a trip to a local gadget store, and an afternoon with hubby on the roof, we now have 20 FREE channels.  Adding in Hulu for the bulk of regular shows we watch and cancelling satellite gives us a monthly savings of $87!  Now, if I can just convince the family that a chicken coop is ok for the suburbs...

Faithful Friday: Thanksgiving Begins

Happy Thanksgiving!

No, not the turkey-laden national holiday...but true thanksgiving.
Being thankful for one's blessings.  For me, it is more than a day, as I choose to reflect on thanksgiving the entire month of November.  In all truth, I try to live every single day like this.

Webster defines thanks·giv·ing  [ thàngks gívving ]  as this:

• : a prayer that expresses thanks to God

I knew I liked that Webster guy...

So on this November 1st, I start my thankful journey and random acts of kindness done in memory of Austin.  If you're new to this blog, you can catch up here as to the "why" behind this project.

Want to JOYn in? 

You can start small.  Simply dedicate your social media to thanksgiving.  Each day post something you are thankful for.  30 days of thanks.

Stumped on what to choose?  Ann Voskamp does a beautiful job here.  She even takes it a step further and chooses three things a day.

Even more?  Add random acts of kindness.  Search my blog for ideas of things we've done in the past, or Pinterest.  Good stuff there.  You can do it in memory of our sweet boy, or someone you love, or just because.  Send us some extra hugs on November 29 by messaging me some of your acts.  It's how we choose to remember Austin and what helps us get through the anniversary of losing him.

For today, I'm thankful for...being thankful.  For being in a place where I can see the good within the bad.  For the healing time - and God - brings.  For the month of November, though laced with painful memories, and the opportunity it gives to pause in thanksgiving and to share the love of God with others.

What are you thankful for today?

Faithful Friday: The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly

My one word for 2013 was Submission.
I thought I chose it.  Looking back from a mere six months later, I know it chose me. 

Never would I have imagined God would hand me lesson after lesson to submit. 
And there's still another half of the year to go.  Mercy...

Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope. -Romans 5:3-4

This week has pretty much been a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad week, part from one bit of very good news. Of course the good news far outweighs the bad, yet I find myself shaking my head at life’s turn of events. Timing, as they say, is everything.  And the news fairy decided to pile it all on at once.
In the midst of the good and the bad, there's also been some ugly.

Over the course of the past seven days, I would learn yes or no on the “C-word” and yes or no on my career. Ironic how related they both are.  In addition, and in a freak accident that only I could be part of, I would also suffer from a potentially broken rib.

Yea, I don’t make this stuff up folks.

Much to my dismay, I received some bad news about my job. My position is ending.  It didn't come out of left field, but I must admit it was a bit of shock just the same.  And in respect for an organization I've known and loved for over 15 years -and dedicated most of my adult life to, that's about all I'll say on "The Bad" of my week.  As I've done all my life, I put my career in God's hands and trust that he'll place me exactly where I need to be, in his timing.

The Good.  Well, that was really, really good.  For over a year, I've fought a battle with my thyroid.  Truth be told, it's probably beat up on me for years before we discovered it.  A "nodule" appeared a month or so ago and resulted in a long waiting game of many tests.  Lumps are never fun news.  And with one in my throat, I went in for the results this week.  Praising God for three BIG words, "it's not cancer!"  My thyroid is still an angry little thing that we'll keep fighting, but what I'm facing is much more manageable and for that I'm ever-grateful.

Oh, yes, the Ugly.  I'm sure you're on the edge of your seat. 

In true OCD fashion, I dealt with the bad news as only I know how and went into cleaning mode at the office.  I'm a rip the band-aid off kinda gal and knew it had to be done eventually anyway.  So, in organizing and straightening up, I dropped some papers off my desk.  From my chair I bent over the arm to retrieve it, only to find I couldn't quite reach it.  Go-go gadget arms not responding, I pushed a little more and stretched to grab the paper when - POP - a sound my body has never made shocked me into a standing position.  Pain instantly followed and I stood there gasping, in disbelief of what just happened. 

Did I burst my spleen?  Is that even where a spleen would be?  Seriously, am I such a wimp that I can't even pick up a piece of paper without getting hurt?!  With my pride and my side stinging, I tried to continue through my afternoon.  I discovered that standing made it significantly worse so I huddled down and reverted to laptop work for the remainder of my day. 

By the time I got home that evening, I was in intense pain but still in complete denial.  A google search and webMD had diagnosed me with either a broken rib or a bunch of disorders I can't say or spell.  While at the doctor for the big news test results, I had her check and she promptly sent me for an x-ray.  (Confirmed results are still unknown.) 

In reflecting on the past week, submission kept whispering to me.  It led me to recall my "one word" and to go back and read my entry the beginning of this year.  How positive and upbeat I was, ready to hand it over to God.  How quickly I forgot...and failed.  On all three of these cases, I've had no control of the outcome.  Well, unless you count the lesson learned to not be lazy and stretch your body beyond it's physical limits to retrieve a piece of paper.  At any rate, they were and are reminders of the fact I've far from mastered this one word. 

I stressed.  I worried.  I was unkind to my family.  Much like an ostrich, I retreated and tried to pull the cover over my head.  I did pray but I wasn't very patient and I was certainly not very trusting.  I wanted to fix this and it frustrated me when I couldn't.  So, I'm dusting myself off and trying again.

It's Happy New Year x2.  Like Christmas in July, I'm celebrating an opportunity to start anew this summer and truly and freely Submit.  I may not always understand the answers but I'm trusting Him through it all.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. -Proverbs 3:5

 

 

 

 

Joyful Tidbits

Stress. 
That ugly word that scratches its way into life, despite how much you push it away.
Or pray it away.

Sometimes life is just stressful.  When it's out of your hands, beyond your control.
And you admit you're weak enough to still worry, even after giving it to God.
That kind of stress can really mess up your day.

But, it can't take away the joy.  Joy is still ever-present. 
If you look for it in the big and the small.  If you savor it when it shows.

Sometimes it's the little things...


heart sigh...Tim and his great-nephew, Liam

Sometimes it's the every day things...

Sometimes it's the simple, beautiful things....

And just thankful for the "things" that really aren't things at all.

Praising Him through this storm.  This temporary storm...

Joy comes in the morning.

I woke up a bit aggravated this morning, which is never a very good way to start the day.

Hubby got called out at 3:30 this morning for a wreck that his help was later cancelled.  Normally I can block his pages out.  I'll put myself into almost a coma-like state, many times not even knowing he's left for a run until the next day.  I do this out of necessity, as there's an invisible switch inside of me, that once turned on, I'm wide awake.  No matter the hour or the need for more sleep, it just won't happen. 

Today would be example A.

Tim rolled back in a little after 4:00 and for the next 45 minutes I really tried to go back to sleep.  I tossed.  I turned.  I stretched.  I sighed.  And then, exasperated, I stomped to the living room.

It wasn't Tim's fault.  He didn't set the pager off, but I certainly directed my frustration to him when announcing I was getting up to stay.

Mumbling and grumbling, God nudged me that this might be a good opportunity to read His word. 

And so I did.  And soon, irritation turned to joy.

As the dark faded into light and the world began to stretch awake, I was gifted with the songs of the many birds around our home.  Many of them I know to be Mama birds, protecting the handful of nests I've spied in our yard.  (There's itty babies in the surprise nest from a previous post.  I hope to sneak pics soon!)

I was blessed by the peace that is the calm, quiet start of a new day.

There was the gift of time to prepare the kids a real, not from a box or frozen breakfast.  Hopefully this will warm their bellies and fuel their minds in preparation for the week of testing they have.

And I have the opportunity to apologize to dear hubby by taking him a steamy cup of coffee in a bit and waking him with a gentler mood than I last left him.

Simple, unexpected joys.  Thank you, God.


Oh and there's more...

This was actually yesterday afternoon's gift but I wanted to share.

Though it was misting rain, as it had all weekend, I was able to enjoy getting my hands dirty by planting happy little flowers in my window boxes.  It's what I call dirt therapy.  These are sure to brighten my every day and bring a smile as I come and go this season. 

It is well, it is well, it is well within my soul... 

Joy is Spring!

God is never more present than in the bursting forth of spring!

I find myself even more in awe of Him this time of year because of the beauty he sends to us.  Spring, I think, is but a small glimpse of Heaven.

It was perfect timing that as I arrived home from Women of Joy a few weekends ago, Spring had arrived.  Pulling into my driveway, I was greeted by the dainty sweet blooms of our pear trees.

Over the course of the past few days, I've noticed even more brilliant signs my most beloved season is upon us.  Being on the parkway several hours yesterday was actually a blessing because it gave me a lot of time to soak in those "happy little trees" along the road.  God paints an even more beautiful picture than Bob Ross, with pops of springy greens, pastel pinks, and sunshine yellows across the horizon.

The weather has been calling me to our deck and to the grill.  Last night, as burgers were sizzling away for dinner, I began to dust off winter from my patio set.  A recent storm warning had seen all the chairs and such scootched to one side, so I was rearranging furniture in the favorite room of our house.  While moving things back to their place, an unexpected addition surprised me.

I had noticed a nest several days before, when stepping outside, as the bird that flew from it startled me.  It wasn't until yesterday though we realized the tiny eggs.

Getting close enough for a photo but keeping a safe distance not to upset Mama Bird, I captured a quick shot.  The picture doesn't do it justice however, as I've never seen a more breathtaking blue.  A friend of mine said it best, "That is simply amazing. God did not have to make those eggs blue, He did because He is in the business of creating beauty!"  How true.

And what a simple picture of how awesome our God is.  A God who finds delight in painting trees pink and forming eggs blue.  How great is our God? ...sing with me!

In finding refuge on the angel's wing, this mama bird saved the angel. 

She was on my list to dust off the deck season but I think we'll keep her now!

Faithful Friday: Kindness

My heart says it was just yesterday....my head knows it has been 4 years.

The only part of yesterday I looked forward to was knowing the many acts of kindness done in Austin's memory.  I'm grateful to friends and family who won't let Austin be forgotten and choose to remember him in this way. We're blessed from the many prayers said for us yesterday- the many days prior - and those in the future.  Thank you!  For an otherwise terrible date on the calendar, we felt Austin everywhere and the day was filled with kindness.  God was certainly holding our family and His love was spread throughout.

The Lord says: Don’t brag about your wisdom or strength or wealth.

If you feel you must brag, then have enough sense to brag
about worshiping me, the Lord.

What I like best is showing kindness, justice, and mercy to everyone on earth.

Jeremiah 9:23-24

A collection of kindness done this month in Austin's memory and shared with us...

In honor & memory of Austin I called a friend this morn offered to

keep her sick child so she could go to work & not miss a day.

Our school club, friends of Rachel, is planning on helping a family on Christmas.

Our next RAK is collecting mismatched socks and gloves for a shelter.

My goal 300 socks and gloves! I know it will be a success,
you will be watching over us Austin!!

...we've taken meals to sick friends, sent random texts to encourage someone, stopped to help a stranded motorist, delivered thanksgiving meals to those working or without, prayed for the vehicle in front of me while driving, surprised workers with donuts...

Preparing and delivering a meal to a friend,

 whose family is in another state and has no family to spend the holiday with.

Giving toys for the EHBC community Kid's Christmas party.

At work we are going to adopt a family from Christmas Wish instead of doing our usual gift exchange.

Operation Christmas Child Boxes filled and delivered to church.

Helped prepare a meal for a group of hardworking kids.

Helped fill Thanksgiving food boxes for families in our community.

Salvation Army Bell Ringing Days picked.

Thoughts of you were with me all day!!

My random act of kindness is taking a sweet baby boy to see his grandma at work today. The smile on her face when seeing him melted my heart I am so glad that I was able to do that for her today :)

My friend Katie was at the mall and found $10 bill and turned it in instead of pocketing it like most would have done. Then here is the big story, as we were headed to Louisville to go to her house, we passed a car on fire, we automatically turned around and called 911. A man was in a ditch, his car was on fire. We saved this man's life by calling 911, along with another couple we met, who ran down the hill to the man who had somehow managed to get out of his car.

My friend Rachel was at work & she saw a man who had run out of gas, he was outside in the freezing cold so she gave him gas money. She said he thanked her numerous times and it brought tears to her eyes.

Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.
1 John 3:18

The last two days have truly been "all things Austin". The blessing yesterday from a stranger. Today, a phone call asking if I needed "some" food for families. The answer was "YES"!! It was the end of the day and I didn't know how I would get this done. I called my "RAK" partner in kindness and she went picked up "some" food. She brought "some" food back to school. Stuart and I went to help my friend and her daughter fill the boxes only to find "some" food was enough fresh fruit and veggies to feed "17" families. We have 8 of of the boxes delivered and tomorrow I will take the rest. I can't even explain the excitement on the faces of my kiddos. The sweetest moment was when two of my kiddos asked if they could help me take them for their neighbors!! They knew the need. I said, "How do you know where they go". One replied "We know because we know you and it's where you would take it." It was "all things Austin!"   I bought groceries for a friend

Austin, I try to do RAK everyday..not just this month. It doesn't have to be something big..a smile can make a difference to a person! Because of you, I try harder and harder to live my life by the Golden Rule!!

I know this isn't much. But at Hobby Lobby today I paid for the lady's next in line purchases and told her the story of how Austin was so giving and generous and how I was helping her in honor of him. After a few tears and a hug she departed and the clerk checking me out said "God Bless You, I don't know your situation or your friend but I think he would be proud, I know God is." Such a great feeling.
Thank you Austin for your inspiration and warm heart. I miss you!

In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said,

‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’” Acts 20:35

Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you. 
It truly hugs our hearts to see Austin remembered this way!

We ended last night with our annual tradition of letting the kids do a reverse shopping spree, surprise free drinks, and included free laundry at local laundromats.

    

Austin, you are still missed with every breath, but we feel you so close whenever we're helping others. 

 

There's Always Joy...

My head has been a jumbled mess of random thoughts, worries, lists, schedules and planning.  To say it's affecting my mood and sleep schedule is an understatement.  Every time I find myself at a loss, scared, or uncertain, I try to stop and give it to God.  I reflect on friends who are going through much more difficult trials right now.  I think back to nearly four years ago and remember how we survived the worst moments and months of our life.  What we're going through now is a season, this I know.  This too shall pass.

And I find myself gravitating to anything joyful.  Soaking up each sunshiney morsel, as if my soul were a sponge.  Making the most of everyday, simple joys.

When I can't sleep, I wrap my arms around my resting husband, thankful he's beside me.

I recall sweet surprises from this week...

A visit from the littles.  My niece and nephew.  It's impossible not to smile around them.

Yellow candy.  My second office stockpiled them for me.  Just because.

Giant cupcakes from Barb's my hubby bought as a thank you to me,

on a day when the proceeds went to a lady in need.

Flowers delivered to my hubby.

Just the idea of a delivery

 (because they called to make sure he was home) was special.

He was like a little kid waiting for a knock on the door.

...another blessing from our church family!

My spiffy new seasoning rack, thanks to my mom and stepdad.

Timely for all the home-cooked meals I'm pampering Tim with.

Random texts from friends, seemingly at the exact moment I need a lift.

"Just checking on you..."

"We need to do lunch!"

"I'm praying for you..."

I revel in summer wonders that can only be seen at certain hours...

Like late at night -

The beautiful first full moon of August.

                                                    Shared on Facebook by

Laura Daugherty

And early in the day -

Morning glories that have snaked their way from the front of the house,

all the way around to the back.

And the added surprise of a bird's nest inside!

I'm hugged at the sight of Austin's tree in full bloom.

And how just being in the presence of God's creations brings an immediate sense of peace.

Soaking it up...one joyful morsel at a time.

Faithful Friday: Transforming Trials

We shared our testimony Wednesday night. Verbally.

For someone who has shared both the trials and joys of her life, pretty much as an open book, you wouldn't think this difficult. The difference this time though is that it was aloud.  And being recorded.

It's so much easier for me to communicate in written form, especially if it's personal. Emotions don't get in the way when you're writing. Tears can fall across my keyboard without interrupting the story.
Now, I can certainly talk about many aspects of our life, and how God has worked through us, with ease. Our story is easy to share...up until 2008.

For the longest time I believed our testimony was the motorcycle wreck Tim and I survived in 2005. It was clear to see how God used that time to show us many things. That virtual stop sign was our wake up call for how short life is, how it changes in an instant. The wreck made us appreciate every moment. It strengthened our marriage and unified our family.

And I was content sharing the gratitude. I was grateful to God for the second chance. I was thankful for every moment - big or small. I treasured my family and every memory made with them. I took nothing for granted.  In fact, the time after the wreck was probably our most blessed years. Some of our favorite and beautiful family memories are from this period.  We watched more sunrises and sunsets in that time than our whole lives before. My prayer life forever changed. No longer did I only pray in need but also in thanksgiving. And I was in constant conversation with God. Life was good.

Looking back now I can see His hand in that wreck in so many more ways than I'd first realized. Though the wreck made me physically weaker it made me stronger on so many other levels. My relationships with God and my family were improved and solidified.

Little did I know this strength would be needed just three years later.

Sharing the story of losing Austin is still so very emotional for me. It's a struggle between wanting so very much to tell the world about how wonderful he was to the painful awareness of saying the nightmare of November 29, 2008, out loud. Speaking it is real. It's raw. And it's impossible to share without crying.

But I know that sharing it can be a help to others.  I just struggled in the days leading up to this with how best to get my words out without crying.  In the end, I just gave it God.  Tears did fall but he put a peace upon me, as he has done so many, many times through this journey, which enabled me to continue. 

I was also hesitant in how I could share the grace and the good that has come since losing Austin.  While I see it, some parts of me still hold on to the concept that we lost him for this to happen.  It's selfish, I know.  And in complete honesty, while I miss him with every fiber of my being, I know he is in the best place he can be.  He's where we all want to be someday.  He didn't stay here as long as this momma would've liked, but I'm grateful for the 14 years we had. 

Yet from the first few days of Austin leaving to now, I can pinpoint "God moments" of positive change.  Lives saved.  I can remember some of his lost friends and family at the funeral home and seeing the impact his death made on their life.  A few of them, while hugging me, shared new relationships with God.  One very dear boy said, "I want to make Austin proud."  And I've since seen the significant change in their lives.  Even in our own family, I see members who have a closeness with God that wasn't there before.  What better legacy could Austin have left behind? 

If this tragedy in some way brings even one person closer to God, what a joyous thing!  As I've shared before, Austin loved nothing more than a party.  Whenever we had friends and family over, he was our door greeter, with that giant smile that warmed you instantly, followed by an enormous "Blair Bear" hug.  I know.....I can imagine it in my heart.....at how my boy is going to be standing at Heaven's gate, so very excited and joy-filled, ready to welcome us in.  And that knowledge is what brings me joy, even through the pain of missing him.

 "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?"  - John 11:25-26

Joyful Tidbits

Just a few things that've brought me joy this week.....

Sleeping in (some days), even if only for 30 extra minutes

because school is out! And not only that, but actually having the time

to dress, beautify (ha ha) and feed myself because I'm not frantically

trying to get everyone else ready and out the door!

Do you remember pinwheels?
You know, those brightly colored plastic fans on a stick....

that twirl in the wind or when you gently blow them.

I saw some in the store and took a

stroll down my childhood memory lane. 

I stood there in the middle of the aisle,

watching it twirl in my hand, smiling.

Tim thought I lost my mind.

Random texts from my hubby that simply say,

"I love you."

An email from Panera Bread.

Strange, one might think?

But they were letting me know my favorite,

absolutely favorite salad was back.

And now I shall count the days until

Strawberry Poppyseed Salad is in my belly!

Training volunteers for a new program that will help

ACS reach patients facing cancer to let them know "We are Here" to help.

Writing thank you notes to sweet, sweet friends

who donated generously to Austin's Legacy.

Having the kids waiting impatiently

at the door last night to go to church.

"Can we go yet?!"

And every simple, blessed and joyful moment in between. 

Simple Joys

We opted for a quiet, relaxed weekend.  Maybe it was because I've been fighting a sore throat all week.  Or it might be because our old bodies couldn't quite handle the birthday-palooza we experienced the weekend before.  And yet, it could also be because we knew we needed to store up energy for this coming week, and another birthday fest.  Regardless, it is nice when you really have no plans all weekend long and you can just be.

I found myself several times over the past two and a half days smiling in the moment.  Finding blessings in simplicity.  There wasn't any major event or activity, no single topic I could find to narrow in and write about.  But yet, with every small-but-blessed point in time, I would pause, thankful, and consider sharing whatever it was. 

Looking back, I don't know that I can even recall each joy, which really, makes them all the more special.  Happiness often comes from something that happens.  But joy is internal.  Nothing particular has to occur to be joyful.  It comes from within.  And I guess that has been my weekend.

Nothing and everything.  And....
Fresh clean sheets.  Unexpected sunshine.  Afternoon naps.  Hot tub time under the stars.  Homemade lasagna.  Visiting a new church.  Laughter until your sides hurt and then laughing because you can't remember why you started.  Grilling in winter.  Loving and loyal dogs.  Simple family moments.

Joyful additions...like sprinkles on an already perfectly lovely cupcake.

Simple Sundays

The two words "Sunday Dinner" immediately bring comfort, home, and family to my mind.  Like a Norman Rockwell painting, a family gathered at the table, heads bowed, hands held around a meal is the essence of happiness for me.  Nothing warms my heart, and my belly, like joining together for dinner on a Sunday evening.  It's something I strive for every week.

Our Sundays are very low key and I love it that way.  Life is busy enough and during the school year our weeknights can be hectic.  Knowing we can start the week off by slowing down and pausing to eat as a family sets my soul for whatever is to come.  Aside from planning a comforting dish from family favorites, I also work to ensure nothing else is on the agenda.  We enjoy our Sundays at home just being together. 

On a rainy day like we've had today, our hours have been spent lazily snuggled watching movies.  I dusted off the VHS movies from under Noah's bed and we picked a few.  Neither of the kids had ever seen "Dances with Wolves" so we spent most of the evening viewing this while spooning in steamy bowls of potato soup. 

The collection of video tapes reminded me of a simpler time.  While Noah and Tina had to think about how to operate the machine, I recalled how Austin could navigate it like a pro, barely at the age of two.  He could recognize a tape by the words on the label and match it to the correct case even that young.  Glancing over the faded cases, I saw many of his favorites, which he played over and again by pushing in the tape with his chubby little fingers.  While those memories tug at my heartstrings, this time of year they are especially needed.  It was a day spent treasuring our past, while holding tight together for our futures.

What I love about Sunday dinners is that you can recreate this warmth and togetherness any day of the week.  When obligations and after school events don't pull us away, we make a commitment to eat as a family every day of the week we can squeeze it in.  Sometimes it's a Sunday comfort kind of meal, and others it is only a quick sandwich; however, it doesn't matter what's on the table, just who is gathered around it. 

Today I'm thankful for Sunday dinners with the family...

and for making that same priority on Mondays, Fridays, and every day in between.

Thankful Thursday

November is days away. Because it holds the anniversary of our son's death, it is a difficult month. Each day on the calendar, as well as the holiday, is a constant reminder of our loss. It's a bittersweet time, as we waiver between favorite memories with Austin, and the horror of those last moments. While a month that is full of sadness for us, it is also a time of Thanksgiving.

One of my favorite traditions from my Grandma Coons was to gather as a family on that holiday and share at least one thing for which we were thankful. Last year, focusing on "Thanksgiving" is how I chose to face each day. Knowing the day would be brimmed in tears, I needed to start my mornings reflecting on what I still had to be thankful for. No matter the heartache, there are still so many blessings in our lives.

Each morning, I began with an affirmation, a statement of what I was thankful for. It carried me through my day, reminding me of a positive during such a negative time. This year, I plan to take it a step further. For the month of November, my blog (and life) will be focused on "Thankfulness" and I'm challenging myself to write a post every day.

Since losing Austin, we've also started the tradition of "Random Acts of Kindness" on his angel-versary. You see, that's what Austin was all about. I have so many cards and letters from those who knew and loved him, sharing small and simple, but powerful, moments they remember and treasure him for. Austin's legacy will always be his warm smile, loving hugs, and helping hands. Because November 29th is such a tragic reminder for us, it is how we've chosen to get through it. Helping strangers has lifted our broken spirits.

Last year, I asked others to join in his memory and I plan to do the same closer to the date. So many messages of support and sharing their acts came through via email and on his Facebook page, Remembering Austin. Each time a wave of grief would overcome me, a message of hope would arrive and hold me. It was such a wonderful way to remember such a beautiful soul.

With each random act, it was as if Austin's spirit carried on and it blessed our family. Because of that, I've decided to dedicate this entire month to my precious boy and will be striving to perform random acts of kindness every single day. It's the only way I know to get through a seemingly impossible time. Each day, each thankful moment, every act of kindness, will be a tribute to Austin, the life he led, and the inspiration of hoping to be a fraction of who he was. I hope you'll join me...

"Never let loyalty and kindness leave you! Tie them around your neck as a reminder.

Write them deep within your heart." - Proverbs 3:3

Sunshine on my Shoulders

Yesterday was a rainy, somewhat gloomy type of day, as far as the weather was concerned.  Even though fall has just begun, it was reminiscent of winter, with the chilly morning and overcast tone in the sky.  Days like that make me sleepy and want to go to bed early.

However, I found a bit of sunshine on my drive home.  Sitting at a red light, I looked in my rear view mirror at the truck behind me.  Bright happy rays of sunshine were beaming down on a lady's face and I thought to myself, "I want that!"  Then, I realized I could have it; all it took was a quick push of my sunroof blind to transform my truck into a sunshiny spot.

The instant mood boost and hug of warmth, reminded me of a song from my childhood.  I remember singing the song while making up dance motions with my cousin, laughing and swaying in the sunlit yard.  "Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy...sunshine almost always makes me high."  Such a simple thing to do....Just precious seconds at the stoplight reflecting on happy memories and appreciating a dose of vitamin D.  And, that mini JOY session gave me the needed boost to come home smiling to family!

Where do you find mini doses of joy?

joy in memories

I find comfort in pictures.  They are snapshots in time that capture moments and memories of our past.  When loved ones are gone, those photos are all that remains.  They tell a story and share the life of those we've lost.  I treasure each photograph of Austin and am thankful that I took so many photos throughout the fourteen years he blessed us by being here. 

Last year, the only way I knew how to count down the days leading up to Christmas, was to celebrate each year we had with him through photos and memories.  This slideshow shows him from his first Christmas at only six months, to our last day with him, in which he helped decorate our home for the holidays.  Even though tears fall each time I see it, I'm thankful for those photos as they allow me remember each special year.

Christmas through the years with Austin

I also wrote an entry every day on his blog leading up to Christmas, which shared thoughts and memories of each year with him.  Having such a love for a writing has been a blessing to me because I always kept journals and filled his baby book with moments and milestones.  From our 1st Christmas, to the 5th Christmas, to our last full holiday  with him in 2007, I'm so grateful to have this collection now so that even when I'm not here to share his story, he will live on.  

As hard as it was to relive each memory of Austin's life, his blog is so special to me now.  I can go on and search any topic, any date, and relive the moment all over again.  And, I know that Noah and other family members will have this collection of memories that tell Austin's Story for generations to come.

Dear Diary

Throughout my childhood, I kept a diary. As I grew older, for many years, I kept a journal. The difference between the two was moving from just recording my day and life to really reflecting upon it. One year, I chose to keep a gratitude journal and each night I would write at least one thing I was thankful for. Taking the time to pull out a notebook and pen though and hand write my thoughts often got pushed aside for things I felt deserved more of my time.

As such, it was a natural transition for me to move toward blogging. I am able to do something I enjoy, which is to write, but I can do it much quicker. My thoughts are still very much raw and unedited. I will sometimes look over what I write quickly and do a spell check at the end, but for the most part, what I write is in the moment and how I'm feeling at that time. Especially given the topics and subjects for the blogs I have, it just seems the right thing to do. It is real. Me...exposed in print.

It might seem strange to some who don't know me well that I would share so much. I can be reserved in person and difficult to get to know. I'm not shy, I just don't fully show myself to someone I've just met. Writing has always been an outlet for me though and it's easier to express myself in that form.

None of my blogs really meant to be public when I first started out. With Austin's, it was a way for me to capture my emotions that I couldn't share externally. I could get out what I wanted - and needed - to say regardless of how many tears fell. What I found though was that people found comfort and even inspiration in the sadness. Those who didn't know Austin, and some who never even met him, came to learn who he was. At that point, sharing his story and continuing his legacy became my motivation. As hard as some of my posts were, they were true and how I was feeling at the time, and they helped me keep his memory alive.

With this joy blog, it was just something that called out to me to do. I knew that the coming months would be hard, especially as we near the second anniversary of Austin's death. I could focus on the pain and the looming date or I could choose to see the positives of each day. The pain would be there regardless, but in searching for the joy, I at least have something to look forward to. The blog was purely selfish and a means for me to record my thoughts, reflect on each day, and hopefully heal along the way.

When I write, I have no idea who reads the posts or what they think, unless they tell me. The site keeps track of unique visitors so I can see how many and I can tell what posts might be more popular than others but overall I am writing blind. It doesn't bother me, because as I've mentioned, the goal in the beginning was mainly to help myself and the few family members I knew would read. What I've found though is that this blog has brought joy to others and that both surprises and blesses me. It wasn't my intent but I'm glad to spread a little happiness in someone's day. And actually, that knowledge in itself brings me joy. It was unexpected that something I wrote might help or change someone but I'm grateful for the opportunity to share.



In the end, I am thankful God's given me a gift that I can use to show his love. On difficult days, I remind myself that the joy I find in today's sunset may bring sunshine into someone's tomorrow. And so I record and share another day.

Happy little bookworm

I walked into a bookstore today to buy a gift for a co-worker and it was like meeting an old friend. Although I read frequently, usually one or two books at a time, I don't often visit bookstores. I've just found it easier and cheaper to borrow and trade with friends or order them online. However, as I stepped inside and the scent of fresh, crisp paper swirled around me, I remembered how much I love them. I could've lingered in the aisles for hours!

Maybe it is my love for writing that led me to love books...or maybe it is the other way around. Either way, I remember loving to read at a very early age. In fact, I wanted so desperately to read that I memorized a favorite book just so it would appear that I knew how.

My older cousins had learned to read and were picking on me that I hadn't yet, although I wasn't even old enough to go to school. When I went home that night and Mom read my favorite story at bedtime, I noticed that I knew every word before she said it. I practiced in my head as she read and before she turned the page, I knew what words came next.

My plan was ready for the next time those two show-off cousins came to visit! Book in hand, I sat under my Grandma's counter, quietly reading to myself as they walked in. One of them must've commented about me reading a picture book when I began to recite the page. They both stood there, frozen in surprise and disbelief. Justin, the oldest, decided quickly that I just memorized the page and flipped through towards the back. He challenged me to read it, which I did, perfectly. To this day, I don't know if they ever found out about my sneaky trick.

Memorizing that book must have helped me though, as Mom said I learned to read shortly after. While it was never necessary to learn every page, there were many books afterwards I read over and over again. Even as an adult, there are books I treasure and would never grow tired of reading. In fact, the true test of a good book is when you can open it, eager and excited to turn the next page, even though you know the ending. So, excuse me while I go read a favorite book...again!