Faithful Friday: Friendship

Years ago, I prayed for a new friend.  One dependable, honest, trustworthy friend, who was not family or married to me.  A friend that didn't "have" to be my friend.  Someone who sincerely wanted to be my friend, just because.

Just one.

I didn't need a flock.  At the time, I had recently joined the world of Social Media and had hundreds of "friends" but I desired true friendship.

It was a daily prayer for so many months I cannot remember the count.

Proverbs 27:9 
The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense. 

After Austin died, dozens of friends flew into my life.  Some for only a while, in the earliest part of the tragedy, some for longer.  And though I had and treasured true friends then (and even now), my soul still searched for a friendship I couldn't quite find.

Looking back, I didn't even know then what I was praying for.  But my soul did.  And God sent her to me, in his perfect timing.

Over a year ago, my pastor suggested to a group of us to search out an accountability partner.  I'd never really ever heard the term before, though I had some expectations of what that might be.  Initially, I was very hesitant.  Though an open book when writing, sharing my personal feelings, hurts, needs, and struggles is not something I willingly do in person.

Proverbs 11:14 

Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.

The only exception would be with my husband.  He has and always will be my best friend.  And yet, while we tell each other everything, there are still subjects/struggles/areas that you sometimes can't fully share.  For this reason, our pastor did not recommend using your spouse as that partner.

What if you are struggling with each other?  What if you're being stubborn in an area and need advice from an outside party?  What if sharing your weakness could result in an argument?  As easy as it would've been to just choose Tim, my heart knew I needed to prayerfully seek someone else.

One of the purposes of an accountability partner is to, just as the word indicates, hold each other accountable.  While a spouse can certainly do this, it could seem more like parenting than friendship.  And if you're spatting, having a godly reminder could just aggravate things.  Like when I'm having a bad day and I'm venting, maybe a little too loudly, and hubby gently tries to calm me.  Sometimes it makes it worse.

In the beginning, your partnership may be something as simple as checking in to see if you've kept up with your daily Bible reading.  A true accountability partner though learns and knows your weaknesses, your struggles, and prayerfully guides you to becoming a stronger Christian.  Whatever the area(s) may be, you set goals with them and they remind, push, and encourage you.  It could be something severe, like an addiction, or it could be something more spiritual, like increasing the people you talk to about Jesus.

Proverbs 27:17 

As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend. 

As you grow closer and get more comfortable, life filters in.  Needs of those within your family and others who are heavy on your heart become shared by the prayers of this friend.

When my friend took on this task, she might not have been prepared for the crazy chaos this life can bring.  She might not have realized the sometimes daily advice or support I might need, as storms seem to frequently come my way.  Maybe she looks at her caller ID and rolls her eyes, sighs, or wishes for a moment of peace.  If so, she never shares it, as she is always there, always willing, and most importantly always praying for me.

Proverbs 12:26 

The godly give good advice to their friends; the wicked lead them astray.

I trust her counsel.  I know she seeks the Ultimate Source for the Truth I am seeking.  I know she doesn't give me advice just to quiet or appease me.  And I without a doubt know that when she says she'll pray about something, she will do so fervently.

She's been such an unexpected blessing to me.  From someone who stubbornly didn't want to open my world to anyone else, to someone who wouldn't know where I'd be today without her.

If you have such a friend, tell them today how much they mean to you.  If you do not, I will join you in prayer that God sends one your way.

Have a blessed Friday, friends...

Faithful Friday: How Are You?

In a typical day of coming and going, I wonder how many times the phrase, “How are you?” is used.
Maybe it’s a regional thing but, around here, it’s customary for those three words to follow, “Hello!”

It is certainly a habit for me and one I found myself trying to break after losing Austin. I didn’t want someone to respond back with the inquiry because saying I was “good or fine” seemed wrong. Because I wasn’t.
And really what kind of response would I give? 

For a long time, I either avoided contact with someone I was afraid would make me cry, by darting down another aisle in the store or appearing distracted, or, I was quick to be first to start the conversation.

“Hey, it’s good to see you…..what are you up to….beautiful weather today, huh?”
Anything to keep the focus off of me.

Time heals wounds like these and after awhile, at least with social pleasantries, life went back to normal.

Swirling with the chaos of said life the past couple of months, I’ve thought a lot about that phrase. We say it without even thinking. Most people are just on auto-pilot. You speak, I speak, we smile and go on.

On the rare occasion someone has an unexpected answer, it throws us off kilter.
Things like, "better than I deserve" or "I'm here" or "I'm still breathing" stalls us for a moment, as we wonder how to respond back. Sometimes, the other person will go into a long-winded story about whatever is going on in their life. Or they’ll throw me for a loop mentioning something personal I forget I shared on social networking and I’ll be standing mid-sentence trying to assess if they’re stalking me, have bugged my house, or wondering if I should know them better than I think I do.

But most of the time people just don’t care. Or maybe we’re all just to busy to care.

I realized this week though how good it feels when people really. do. care.
When those three little words are said with sincerity in anticipation of an honest answer. And there’s love there. It’s welcoming, like coming home to the scent of dinner simmering on the stove. It draws you in and says, "this is a safe place. I can share here."

As I sat on the back row at church this Wednesday, I scanned the room and counted my blessings. Even in the midst of this minor hiccup in life, I can see so many reasons to be thankful in the sea of friendly faces among the pews. From my pastor, to friends I've known for years, to new friendships,there are countless gifts God has given me in sending our family to this church.

From my view, I found myself lifting those faces up to Him in prayers of thanksgiving and in asking his blessings upon them. After service, without fail, those trusted friends came over with hugs and words of encouragement, along with those three little words. And they truly wanted to know. With a grateful sigh, I unloaded all my baggage from the week, let go, and let God work through them.

 "The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense." Proverbs 27:9 

Yet, it's also made me more conscious of my own shortcomings. How many missed opportunities do I let pass by in trading pleasantries for deep conversation? Am I failing God by not making myself available to hear about someone's day more in depth?

 It isn't because I don't care. Personality traits, being the introvert I am, dictate a lot of it.

But His gentle Spirit has been stirring within me as of late, reminding with a loving push to step out beyond my boundaries more often. To let Him work through me and to let others be on the receiving end of a meaningful, "How are you?"

 My dear sweet friends and loyal readers, I begin with you. I'd love to hear how your week has been. What's pulling at your heart today? Do you need a friend or just someone to vent to? share with? Come sit beside me and tell me about your day. It's my honor to pray for you.

 With love (and JOY)...

I surrender all...

It's been a weekend of surrender.

Honestly, surrender began at even signing up a few months back to come to Women of Joy.  I wanted to go last year. I mean, how could a joy seeker, a joy sharer like me, NOT want to go? But something held me back. I didn't really know these women. I'd only joined the church a short time and being with "strangers" a whole weekend was way out of my comfort zone.  Being an onion and a bit of a loner, it takes me awhile to warm up to someone I don't know well.  Even though I call many of these women friends now, it was still outside my comfort zone a year later.

But God whispered, "Go..."

So it was in complete surrender when I signed up in February.  I paid the registration quickly as I could, so I didn't stress or analyze the details of the unknown.

When you let go and let God, amazing things happen. 

There's so much to share about this past weekend of JOY.  My messy notes, scribbled in the dark, will be inspiration for this week's posts.  I'm pacing myself on purpose because, to do it justice, it has to be more than just one writing.

For now, I'll share a picture of the group of ladies I was blessed to share the weekend with.  Some were old friends, some fairly recent, and some were brand new faces I'm glad to now know.


at the Spaghetti Factory...when we weren't at JOY, we were eating!  :)

 You can imagine in a group this big there's stories to share.  Oh, the laughs we had! 
But of course, what happens in Louisville stays in Louisville, so for the most part that fun will have to stay tucked away in the secret vault.  After that kind of tease though, I will end laughing at myself. 
And letting you join me.

Part of being an onion meant I didn't do a lot of sleepovers.  I had one best friend and spent 1/2 my life at her house but never really went to others.  I wasn't a typical college student and didn't do the dorm life, so I've never had a roommate.  Other than having to room with co-workers on work retreats, that world is unfamiliar and scary to me.  It was the part of the trip I was most apprehensive about.

To save money, we were all sharing beds, not just rooms.  The original plan was to have four in a room, two to a bed.  I picked my bed mate early, the kindness of an offer from a relatively new but close friend at church.  Debbie has become so much more than a friend to me - a mentor, a spiritual coach... (I could write a post or two just about her friendship).  Anyway, it did somewhat relieve my anxiety that she'd be the one I'd bunk with. 

Due to a hotel mistake, we ended up two a room, one small bed.  Anxiety returned. 
(surrender, surrender, I told myself!)

It was L.A.T.E. when we finally went to bed our first night, after a midnight feeding at the Cheesecake Factory and lots of walking at JOY conference.  My legs were beyond exhausted and I felt like I was riding a bicycle with their restlessness.  Of course, I tried to softly move them, so as not to disturb my sleeping pal.  In the wee hours of the morning, all hope was lost.

Being shocked awake by massive leg cramps, I tried to jump out of the bed and stand, the only relief I knew to seek.  Debbie, being the sweet pal she is, is startled from sleep thinking I'm having nightmares.  She grabs hold of me (a somewhat funny sight when you picture her size compared to mine) and in a David vs Goliath attempt, pulls me back shouting, "It's ok, you're just having a bad dream!" 

At the same time, and unable to speak because of the pain, I'm pulling away from her, struggling with the mounds of covers, trying to get out of the bed and stand on two legs.  For probably seconds, but what felt an eternity, we did this humorous tug-o-war.  Eventually I won and stood in the small room, trying to walk enough to work it out.  Still mute from the pain, she's not giving up trying to wake me, continuing her shouts of compassion to bring me from the nightmare.

After a few stretches and old man roll-on medicine, I was able to communicate to her what happened.  Still groggy, it dawns on Debbie what just occurred and we both collapse into laughter.  For the next thirty minutes -or more!- we enjoyed belly busting, side splitting laughs.  I was actually afraid someone would call the front desk and complain. 

Though an awkward icebreaker, it was kind of hard to have any nervousness after that.  It certainly gave us both something to laugh about the entire weekend!  And it helped me at least to physically surrender to the experience!

More JOY to come this week, friends...

Brave.

I've never been the girl surrounded by a big a group of friends.  Sometimes I stand in amazement at Tina, who to the outside world can seem somewhat quiet or shy, but has dozens of friends.  It was difficult for her to weed down a friend list to invite to her last birthday party.  That was never me.

I solidly had one "best friend" from elementary to high school.  By the time middle school arrived, I branched out a bit and had a good handful of friends.  It wasn't that I didn't want more, it just seemed difficult for me to make friends easily.  At least more than what I considered to be 'high friends' - the familiar faces you'd chat in class with but never hang out or sleep over.

Perhaps it's because I can be perceived as shy.  And anyone who knows me well, will tell you that is just not the case.  As one friend put it, I'm an onion.  Those true friends, angels God has put in my path, just had the bravery to peel back my layers.  And I was brave enough to let them.

Even now, as an adult, who often longs for a few BFFs, my list of friends is rather short.  Tim is my best friend, something I love about our relationship, but as a woman, I still wish for a female version of that role.  Someone to shop or go out to eat with, someone to confide in, someone to just be a silly girl with.  Sometimes.  And then at other times the thought frightens me.  Because being that close to someone other than family opens myself up.  Scary vvulnerability.

I have been blessed with new friendships and close relationships since moving to EHBC.  I'm continually amazed at what God has brought into our lives through this church.  Strong women, faith-filled families, and I'm grateful for each smiling, caring face I've come to know. 

But my preacher put a kink in things when he asked me - and others in our group - to find an accountability partner last night.  Someone you could open up to, share with, pray with.  That's difficult for a girl who hasn't a long list to chose from.  I'm trusting God that he'll send someone my way or reveal the friend I'm meant to have in this role.

Timely that I'm starting a women's bible study tonight, appropriately named - BRAVE.  I'm excited and eager for the class.  And I'm boldly going into a church full of females, many of whom I don't closely know, and putting myself out there.  Bravely submitting to whatever God has in store.