Missing: JOY

Inevitably, this time of year seems to bring me down.  I forget year to year until it hits.  This time, it appeared on my birthday and has seemed to linger most of the week.  Joy is missing.

Probably a mixture of many things but weather and the aches and pains that go with it certainly don't help my mood.  We had unusually high temps the past two days and a sneak peek at sunshine, which I can tell improved me some. 

But, although I was feeling better, I must have not looked it.  Multiple times this week, I've been asked if I'm sick.  While a cough is still lingering from Christmas, I am physically well.  I'm just a little ho-hum.

Have you been there, friends?

When joy doesn't leap in your lap, what's a girl to do? 

Well, you just have to dust yourself off and seek it out.  Sometimes joy is a fight.  I think I borrowed that from Chewbacca Mom but, knowing her spirit, she won't mind.  Because it is so true.

Joy doesn't always come easy, even for a joy-seeker.  And sometimes joy is missing even when there isn't anything "wrong."  When joy is absent, in times of grief or trauma, it is expected but when things are relatively good, yet joy still hides, it can be frustrating.

Where are you, JOY?

What I know from my child-loss journey is you often have to search out joy.  When you are unable to feel it with ease, pause and reflect on simple joys.  They are always there.  A hot cup of coffee, gas in the fireplace, and time with God are the joyful ways I started my morning.  Watching the doggies slip and scatter across the deck might have also given me a chuckle but I rewarded them with a treat when they returned.

I could focus on the negative - the worries of the winter storm and my husband making it home safely.  Or that he'll more than likely have to work all weekend, due to being one of the closest to the store who could make it in.  Or, the fact that my joints are fully reporting the ice and snow that will arrive today.  And the many other issues Satan will undoubtedly hiss in my ear.  Or, I can focus on the good.  Joy is about choosing where you will focus your heart and mind.

In seasons where I struggle, practicing self-care is a must. Even if I don't "feel" like it, taking time to care for myself has to be a priority.  Putting on a face mask and drenching myself in lotion before bed restores my skin but also gives a boost to my soul.  Planning to dust off the walking DVD and move my body this wintery weekend will benefit my health and my spirit.  Cooking nutritious foods for my family, instead of calorie-ridden comfort casseroles will give us energy instead of increasing our need to hibernate.  And using essential oils that are meant to uplift, calm and soothe is a natural way to help myself.  Playing positive music and praying is also a given, even if I'm not struggling for joy.

Should tears fall anyway, despite my efforts, sometimes letting go and having a cry can be healing. And allowed.  Just don't linger there long.

Pat those tears off your cheeks, breathe deep and get back in the search for JOY.

Mind over Matter

One of our summer traditions every Friday is that Noah and I will go out for lunch on a culinary adventure.  We've been doing this for the past couple years and it's something we look forward to all week.  Given his interest and passion in the field, our trips seem to fuel his desire to be a chef even more.

We're a month into the season and this has been the first outing I've been able to really enjoy.  Sickness seemed to hit our family on the cusp of Memorial day weekend, so our summer hasn't quite been what we'd imagined.  Given that it is Noah's last before college, it makes it even harder to see the weeks slipping by.

Illness has taken the driver seat in the Blair house and attempted to steer and control our emotions.  While it has been what has kept from writing, I'm determined to not let it steal my joy.

Even when you're aware and fighting against it, stress has a way of sneaking in and distracting you without your permission.  I've noticed it in my guys, as they've been very forgetful.  Tim fell asleep the other day and left the dogs outside.  Noah turned his back on the stove and filled the house with smoke.  I'm not even sure what day it is most of the time so I know I'm not in any better shape!

For those of you who are inclined to pray, we're hopeful for complete healing for my husband from an unknown respiratory illness.  And answers.  This momma has a hard time hearing "unknown" and respiratory illness in the same sentence, after losing her son in a very similar way.

It doesn't matter how many eye rolls, avoidance, or even being called "Dr Google" by physicians, who don't seem to care about my concerns or lack of a diagnosis, I will press on.  

As determined as I may seem at present, it has been difficult to stay focused on what matters most and find joy in every day.  Yes, even this joy-seeking girl was knocked on her bottom the past week and had my own share of pity parties.

Though we've been blessed with church family and friends, who have walked alongside us, visited Tim in the hospital, checked in regularly, and are praying constantly, there have been times I've felt very alone. 

But God hasn't ceased in sending me hope and encouragement. 

Somehow messages always seem to come when I need them most, as well as scripture. It is no surprise I've been studying Ephesians, Philippians and 1 Peter, Suffering is inevitable in this world but despite life's roller coaster, our constant is the JOY of the Lord.  

We may never get the answers to why this is happening but we do know Who is in control.  Time and time again, I'm reminded that my joy is not tied to my circumstances.  Happiness can change with the weather but my joy comes within and nothing can take that away.

Aside from my faith, I've been practicing a simple technique I read about during the long hours waiting in the ER.  When we're faced with every day obstacles, chores, needs, we can choose our attitude in how we approach it.

Instead of saying I have to....I try to say I GET to.

Goodness, how that shifts my perspective.

I get to sleep in the chair next to my husband, night after night, because he is still with me.

I get to drive back and forth from home to hospital because I have a job to help provide for us.

I get to do extra laundry and dishes and sort out medicine and take on extra responsibilities around the house because God gives me the strength to endure.

I get to ask for prayers for my family because we have loving relationships with faith-minded friends who will stand with us in trials.

I get to stay inside where it is cool and keep my husband from the heat because we are fortunate to have a home with air conditioning.

And funny enough, I used the same technique to get through a creepy culinary bite that my son ordered.  Our goal each Friday is to either eat somewhere new or try a dish we've never had.  Yesterday we checked both those off our list and ordered a quail egg appetizer off the sushi menu.  

I'm not sure what we expected but the raw eggs staring back at us on a plate were not what either us envisioned.  Noah's giant hand gingerly picked up his tiny shell and held it up for me toast the moment.  

Instead of saying, I have to eat this slimy egg, I whispered, 

"I get to try a new experience with my son"....

several times before I sucked the concoction through clenched teeth.

I can't guarantee that this technique will make what your facing any easier to swallow 

but it will help you stomach what's ahead!