Faithful Friday: Heavenly Birthday

On Sunday, July 8, my firstborn would've been celebrating his 18th birthday.  18 years.  All grown up. 

Yet, for us, Austin will eternally always be only 14.  We will never know how tall he may have been.  Or how his looks and voice would have changed.  For us, he'll always be that simply sweet, innocent age of fourteen.  That delicate time between being a child and a man.

It's a difficult time for this momma.  I so much want to be planning the biggest birthday party ever for my special guy.  My tear-stained eyes and heavy heart sometimes wonder if we're strong enough to get through the next few days.  How do you carry on when a piece of your soul is no longer with you?

When I said, “My foot is slipping, ”

your love, O Lord, supported me.  - Psalm 94:18

In search of what would've been Austin's birthday scripture, I landed at the verse above.  1994 was his birth year, and on Sunday, he would be 18.  Psalm 94:18.  Yes, that is how we have survived this.

The past three and a half years have been unimaginable.  The pain often unbearable.  But when I couldn't breathe, couldn't move, couldn't cope, was in complete despair, the ONLY thing that got me through was God.  Even when I didn't want Him.  When I was mad at Him - for taking my firstborn.  He was there.  Each time I slipped, stumbled, fell...He was there.  On the days I couldn't do it.  He could.  And did.

Searching for Austin's birthday verse wasn't easy.  7.8.94  There isn't a Psalm 78:94.  Other variations took me to scripture that, well, didn't speak to me.  I added up the year 1994.  Instantly I remembered it was in fact Austin's favorite number, 23.  He'd discovered that years ago as we were both watching the movie 23, and then realized Noah wearing his jersey, the back displaying 23.  Goosebump moment.

And I thought, how fitting.  Probably the most known Psalm of the Bible.  Maybe the most known verses period.  I read through them again, memory skipping ahead of my eyes. 

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

he leads me beside quiet waters,

he restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of righteousness

for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk

through the valley of the shadow of death,[a]

I will fear no evil,

for you are with me;

your rod and your staff,

they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me

all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord

forever.

They landed to the last verse. 

So much comfort in this Psalm, especially in this last sentence.  Though the earthly arms of this momma long to reach up and hug Austin's neck on Sunday, to wish him a Happy 18th Birthday, my heart and soul are comforted with this knowledge.  And the 23 Psalm will now have an even deeper special meaning to me.

Happy Heavenly Birthday, sweet boy. 
Thank you for leading me to these scriptures today.

Keep smiling down on us.  Love you Big.