Day-dreaming Date

For many reasons, my hubby is a keeper.

He's supportive and selfless, funny and kind, loves me unconditionally and is my best friend.  But he got major brownie points yesterday when he accompanied me on a holiday home tour.

I thought it would be a fun date out together but we realized early on that he was about the only man coming and going through the houses unless they were the owners.  He got glances of shock and surprise and a few "man points" by the women we met.

I'm sure he would've rather been in a tree stand but we enjoyed our day touring some beautiful homes decorated for Christmas.  It was interesting to see how others decorate.  I'm always one to browse a person's tree and view all the ornaments if I'm visiting for the holidays.  My trees have a story with every decoration that is hung.

This tree reminded me of my childhood.  Growing up, we always had a giant real tree slathered with handfuls of icicles.  This tree was in the childhood home of Bill Monroe, a legend of bluegrass music.  A sign hanging outdoors noted that the home had so much music played through the years it literally changed the composition of the wood, making it somewhat a living instrument.

Going into each home and experiencing the sights, sounds, and scents of Christmas certainly put us in the holiday mood.  What added to the atmosphere was that we were greeted with a dusting of snow.  At points, it felt like we'd stepped into a Hallmark movie.

Sadly, we didn't capture any photos of one of our favorite houses.  Nestled in the country, a dream cabin with a wrap-around porch, with every nook and cranny filled with holiday spirit.  I think we just got caught up in the beauty of it all. 

However, we did manage to take a selfie on the way out.



Once back to our humble house, I giggled at some of the photos my guy took.



He was most enamored by the "man cave" at one of our last stops.  Honestly, I think the basement was bigger than our home!  Giant gun racks flanked the entrance, at the bottom of the steps.  Leather and stone, a private entrance and a grand fireplace would make any man drool.  Actually, this home ended up being our favorite, as I even had him snap a pic of the kitchen.  A girl can dream...

Though it was exciting to imagine and pretend, back home and snuggled by our small fire in our well-worn chairs, I was thankful and content.  Our walls may not be lavishly adorned but they are covered in sweet memories.  While there is no grand entrance, you'll always enter our house with a warm welcome.  My decorations may not be stylish or new but instead chipped or smudged from little handprints who wanted to help.  The ornaments not color-coordinated but rather a timeline of our live's together.  And I couldn't imagine it any other way.  

There's an Elf in the House

If you've been around here long, you know that my baby is nearly grown.  Now a senior, he'll be 18 at the first of the year and soon out of the nest.  This momma bird is not quite ready to let her guy fly so she sometimes clings on with both feathers.  Especially when it comes to the lasts of his childhood.

As this Christmas is his final one as a kid, I decided to do something special to celebrate it, with a little help from an elf.

I've known for a few weeks I wanted to bring in an elf to help us count down the days to Christmas.  Somehow it is a tradition we never began, maybe because Noah was older when they came out.  And while most who do this have younger kids, I thought it might bring some extra joy for my towering teen.

However, when I noticed the price tag of Santa's tiny helper, I almost ended up the naughty list for the choice words that wanted to escape my mouth!  Yikes, I can stuff a few stockings with that kind of dough.  But, after a few searches, I was able to find a much more frugal - and in my opinion, cuter option.

Introducing...Blitz!

I can't wait to share with you all the funny ways he'll be surprising Noah this season.  And I'm excited to add this to our family's Christmas memories.

Here's the letter he brought this morning.

What are some of your treasured traditions for the holidays?

Good News...Great JOY

Though it feels nothing like Christmas, due to a random Kentucky heat wave, I've been full of holiday spirit for days.

We've had our windows open and fans blowing, but I've lingered beneath the tree, resting in the glow of the lights and pondering on the magic of the season.  It's been a beautiful weekend and I just wanted to savor Christmas a bit more.

Life moves so quickly, children grow, parents age.  The older I get the more I find myself dwelling on the passing of time.

We kicked off the festivities on Friday with our annual craft day.  This marks our sixth year of spending the day with our kids focused more on the presence of each other than presents under the tree.  From toddler to teen, they each look forward to the day.

My baby was such a help this year, from set up to clean up and all the places in between.  He led our first craft, his idea, making hot chocolate spoons.  Several weeks back, I'd asked him about his favorite Christmas memories and craft day was among them.  I would guess it's a favorite memory among all the kiddos.

Although my body ached from head to toe by the end, my heart was full from the memories we made.  
Christmas Eve was packed with our typical traditions from beginning to end, though with a working teen we needed to jam a lot into a little time slot.

He was a trooper though, waking early on the weekend to have appetizers for breakfast.  We managed to squeeze in a holiday movie,a long game of dominoes, a visit from Santa and even a nap.

Thankfully, Noah got out of work early enough to go with us for our favorite, fairly new to us tradition of attending the candlelight service at our church.  In fact, that service is what inspired the title of this post and has me feeling well within my soul.

Preparing my heart, I began to lift up prayers of thanksgiving for all that God has done for us this year.  And suddenly, the pity party I had in my last post seemed very petty.

Life is going to have hills and valleys but we can't lose sight of God's love for us when we're in a lull or a pit.  That's exactly what the enemy wants.  In fact, it is in those trying times His love is never more present.  And truly, the health hiccups of 2016 are nothing compared to what we've already endured and survived.

In the quiet, simple service my heart swelled with remembrance of His many blessings.

Darkness will never cease trying to stop us from shining.  But light always overcomes.  As our church began to glow in increasing brightness, one candle after another, it was a visible reminder of the difference we can make in this gloomy world.  We must keep sharing the light.



That light, pure JOY, carried with me into the birthday of our Savior.  It is my prayer that Christmas will remain in my heart throughout the new year.  And also my prayer for you.

The best "gift" under our tree

Winter Wonderland Woes

We're just a few days in to the holiday season and stress has already reared it's ugly head.  Yesterday it was the "Search for the winter coat tote fiasco".

Crunched for time, hoping to get in a bit of our downtown festivities before Noah went to work, I popped open the blue tote that should have contained our winter coats.  Instead I found it full of spring jackets and hoodies.  Poor hubby made numerous trips to the shed, up and down the ladder, pulling back out the near empty Christmas totes to see if one got shoved in the back.  No luck.

Clock-ticking, Noah still not fully ready for work, no coats in sight.
I chose to deal with it by having a bit of a meltdown.

Yes, with a wonky thyroid, not having a warm coat and gloves can send me spinning this time of year. I knew my fingers would go numb, my teeth would chatter, and I'd feel miserable.  But it wasn't my hubby's fault, who caught the bulk of my fit.

Now, there are several factors I could blame in this scenario.For one, I obviously wasn't as organized as I should have been last spring when putting everything away.  For another, I've needed to get our coats out and organize the hall closet for a few weeks but just haven't made the time.  And, we were all a tad lazy Saturday morning.  It is rare the guys can sleep in and I treated them to a big breakfast as they awoke.  We then lingered and caught up on shows we never seem to have time to watch, played pool and enjoyed each other's company.  As such, Noah was more than a little delayed in getting ready for work.

But when I really press in to the reason for the meltdown it has nothing to do with any of that and more to do with adjusting to the changes in our family.  Noah is nearly grown and the holidays are just different as your kids get bigger.  With work and being a teen, he's rarely home.  Family moments are harder to capture.  There's a shift, a transition in time and this momma bear is struggling.

The picture perfect Christmas festivity I envisioned didn't happen.  

Instead of being pouty that Noah couldn't be with us, I should've been thankful for the time we had together that morning.  Instead of whining over the coat that matched my outfit, I should've changed clothes and added layers (and been grateful to have more than I need).  Instead of wishing for what was or could've been, I should have thoroughly enjoyed the couple time and my supportive hubby, who tried his best to appease his cranky wife.

How often does that occur this time of year?  We dream up an idyllic Christmas and anything less is a disappointment.  Overbooking, tight schedules, and thin wallets can add to the chaos.  Toss in healthy doses of family drama and you have a recipe for disaster.

But in the hustle and bustle that can become Christmas, how many of you hope to slow things down and simply soak up the goodness of the season?

As my calendar begins to fill and time gets squeezed out, I begin to feel that way myself.  When we have to decline a function and feelings get hurt, it makes me question priorities and relationships.  As the date draws closer to the 25th, I'm mindful that the relationship which should be my priority is the very One whose birth we are celebrating.

Amidst the chaos of Christmas, why don't we instead seek a moment with Majesty.  To be still and know...  To let everything else go and just be in His very presence.

I'm reminded that my Christmas wish should be so simple...

To not compare the presents (or lack of) under my tree with those I see
and focus more on the presence of who is around it

To say no when there's no space to give and be well in my soul in doing so

To pause whenever I feel the stress of the season and remember the reason we celebrate

To be fully in every moment, grateful for the memories in the making

To seek Him in the midst, to search Him out, and surround myself with His very spirit

To let it go when others hurt me and share examples of His love

To let His light shine through me everywhere I go

To be still...and know that He is God.
Above all else.

Seasonal Sentiments

If you're bone-tired from a day filled with festivities this Christmas, count your blessings, momma.  If you're home is a wreck and wrapping paper still litters your floor, look at it lovingly and smile.  And if your babies are drifting off to dreamland after a day of joy, linger a bit in their doorway tonight.  Kiss them extra tonight and tuck this memory away.

Soak it up, for it so quickly fades.

From a momma who remembers those moments misty-eyed, Christmas changes as they grow.

Our little house has felt extra big the past few days.  Just the three of us, Noah on the heels of sixteen.  Holiday plans spread out through the course of several days so no big crowds to go and see today.

The magic of the season is somewhat harder to hold, when the mystery has gone.  No more platters of cookies left for Santa.  Early morning squeals replaced with sleeping in.

Even Noah has realized this.  Our past three holidays, he's commented how different things feel.

"It just doesn't seem like"....  he will say as each one falls on the calendar.

The other night in the car he shared, "I guess it's because I'm growing up."

And this momma had to work extra hard to choke back the tears that followed.

Change is inevitable.  You can't bottle the little and push pause on life.  Babies grow.  And some leave this world too soon.  Futures envisioned don't always arrive the way you imagined.

Being a mom big on tradition, the changes have been difficult to swallow this year.  As I write, alone in this big bed, it dawns on me I've never spent a Christmas night apart from my husband.  But jobs change and duty calls.

Today wasn't anything like usual.  Instead of a big country breakfast from years past, I had a donut stick from my stocking.  We visited Tim's side of the family, which was nice, but I still missed mine.  I imagined June smiling down, seeing all her boys together though.  Instead of lingering for a visit, we returned quickly home so Tim could sleep a bit before work.

It was a treat that our nephew came back with us and hung with Noah all evening.  They played pool and Xbox, as if they were little again.  He leaves for basic training Sunday, so I'm extra grateful for the time they shared.  The cousins then all went out for a movie, leaving me home alone.  I decided to clean and nap with my sleeping hubby.  We then shared leftover pizza for our Christmas dinner.

Anything but normal.  Yet, it is where we are at this time in our lives.  Life finds you at various stages.  Some you expect, some come as a surprise.  And some surprise you even though they should be expected.

But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.

Luke 2:19

Not our typical Christmas but thankful still.  We have each other, our health, a warm roof over our heads, and most importantly the joy of the Lord in our hearts!

Displaced Christmas

This has been the most disorganized-fly by the seat of my pants-wait until the last minute-procrastinating Christmas season I've ever experienced.

And that is so. not. me.

Normally, by this time I would have everything checked off, completed and under the tree.  Meals prepped, planned and done in batches.  Traditions accomplished in a beautiful timeline.  Decorations fully out in November.

Not so much this year.

It began with the decorations.  Though a nice gesture last year, my hubby surprising me one evening and letting the kids put everything away did not result in the happiest of endings.  My fears of chaos ensued when this year, even after multiple trips to the shed, there are items still missing.  When one has as many snowmen as I do (many years I don't even put them all out), you might question how I would I know that I am missing anything, but I can.  And I am.

I find myself looking to areas where said snowmen or decorations would and should be, sigh in despair, but chalk it up to the season of disarray.

My gift shopping for the past several years has been done on Cyber Monday.  Maybe I just wasn't in the mood, but nothing enticed me.  It didn't help that finances were tight, as hubby was the midst of losing/changing jobs.  So, I waited.  And waited.  And waited some more.  Poor Noah has gifts scattered all over the house from the here and there shopping I've managed to do.  I'll be lucky if I get them wrapped in time and don't forget where I hid everything.  If I do, maybe I'll find them in time for his birthday next month!

We did a bulk grocery trip Sunday, after a long, full day of church, a farewell lunch for Tim's nephew who is joining the Air force, and a visit at the hospital to my niece (more on that below).  I went without a list and was already exhausted so you can bet I have forgotten at least one ingredient for every dish we have planned.

And traditions.  Well, this seems to be year of non-tradition so far.  Noah has a job and that has changed some of our annual outings.  Tim switched to third shift and we're still trying to teach his body bedtime is no longer dark-thirty!  Our calendar just doesn't seem to be cooperating and all the things I planned or looked forward to from years past isn't happening.

I could let it ruin my Christmas.  It would be easy to focus on all the things that haven't gone exactly as envisioned.  Or, I could sit in the messy beauty that is this year and be thankful.

The first Christmas, after all, was rather displaced and unexpected.  

But so very perfect, in every way.

In a way, it reminds me of what my niece and her husband are going through this season.  My chaotic Christmas seems a blessing in disguise.

Much like Mary and Joseph found themselves, they are expecting a child and have been sent on a journey away from home, in hopes of protecting their baby.

Haylea is only 24 weeks along but her pregnancy has been a whirlwind.  Diagnosed with hyper dynamic cervix, her body is fighting to keep sweet Isaiah in the womb and safe.  This past weekend she reached the milestone of viability and was able to get steroids for his lungs.  But the hospital she was in isn't able to care for NICU babies until week 27.  Given that she could deliver anytime, we prayed for a better option.

Thankfully, she's been sent two hours from home under the care of neonatal specialist in a hospital that provides for preemies on a daily basis.  We're still prayerful she will carry as long as possible, but we're grateful she is among seasoned professionals prepared for any outcome.

But it means she'll spend Christmas away from family.  Newly married, this most certainly isn't the Christmas I'm sure she imagined for their first year together.

Just as I'm sure Mary's journey was anything but expected and planned.

My prayer for them this season is that they are held by God's mighty power and strength, can put their trust in Him, and feel the peace which only He can provide.  For if He can bring His son into the most unlikely of circumstances, born in a manger, we are faithful and filled with hope, as little Isaiah is in the same caring hands.

If you would like to support this young family, struggling this season, and share a little hope, please consider giving at their link below.  Michael has been unable to work steadily, due to the lengthy and frequent hospital stay his wife has had - and is expected to continue.  May you be blessed for your gifts or prayers for them this Christmas.  

Help for Isaiah:
https://www.gofundme.com/j2fyzyj3

A Moment with Majesty

In the hustle and bustle that can become Christmas, how many of you hope to slow things down and just soak up the goodness of the season?

I know that as my calendar begins to fill and time gets squeezed out, I begin to feel that way myself.  When we have to decline a function and feelings get hurt, it makes me question priorities and relationships.  As the date draws closer to the 25th, I'm mindful that the relationship which should be my priority is the very One whose birth we are celebrating.

Several nights ago, wise words reached into my soul and settled there.  My pastor's wife shared a from-the-heart, simple devotion that simply encouraged us that amidst the chaos of Christmas we seek a moment with Majesty.  To be still and know...  To let everything else go and just be in His very presence.

And so that is my Christmas wish...

To not compare the presents (or lack of) under my tree with those I see

and focus more on the presence of who is around it

To say no when there's no space to give and be ok in doing so

To pause whenever I feel the stress of the season and remember the reason we celebrate

To seek Him in every moment

To let it go when others hurt me and just share His love

To let His light shine through me everywhere I go

To be still...and know that He is God.

Above all else.

Faithful Friday: Peace

Last Sunday, the candle of Peace was lit at our church.  Instantly, I was taken back to my greatest experience with true peace...the kind that only comes from God.

Peace from Above 

- originally posted on austinslegacy.blogspot.com

The night before Austin's visitation, I prayed for peace. Our emotions were so fragile and raw, I didn't know IF or How we would get through the services.

A simple phone call would set off a roller coaster of emotions, so much so that we gave our phones to family members to just take messages. We didn't want to seem rude but it was just too hard to live the horror over and over again with each new voice on the line.

We managed, for the most part, to do fairly well when visitors came to the house. I think it was a mixture of shock and the comforting distraction of being at home. I was worried though how we would handle the hours and overwhelming emotions that lay before us that week.

So I did the only thing I knew to do.  I prayed for peace.

At that point in our loss, we had no answers. When you lose a child, even with answers, it never seems right - or fair - or something you feel can completely wrap your mind around. It just doesn't make sense, life happens in a sequence and this type of loss is unexpected, unnatural. I didn't understand, certainly didn't agree, but I knew we needed God's help to get through.

Without realizing it, I began to pray from a scripture. Prior to that point, I don't know if I really even knew the true meaning. It wasn't until later, when I saw the scripture again in print, that I remembered it being my heart's prayer.

It always amazes me when the scriptures you've read over time come out in true form. That you not only understand them - but you live them.

People commented on how calm I was during visitation and at the funeral. I'm sure some thought I was medicated to get through it. But I didn't take so much as a Tylenol through that time - or since. Me "getting through" that difficult time was all God.

He gave me peace.

And it was a complete peace. I felt it wash over me as we entered the funeral home. It was incomprehensible. I still hurt and grieved for my child but I had peace. I knew where Austin was, I knew he was safe and happy and healthy and watching over us. It was a peace that passed all understanding. It was amazing and God is the only explanation.

That peace helped me get through the most difficult journey of burying my child. It is a journey no parent should ever have to make. The peace helped my family as well. They all looked to me and my emotions that week; I set the mood. My peace (His peace) carried over to them.

It didn't stay forever. There were deep, dark days of painful grieving. There still is sometimes. But that peace was there when I needed it most. For two complete days I had a glimpse of what Heaven must be like. That peace was amazing - there really are no words. That peace still helps me because I know someday we'll all have that,,,forever.

"Then God will give you peace, a peace which is too wonderful to understand. 

That peace will keep your hearts and minds safe as you trust in Christ Jesus."

When December is Hard

Maybe you've faced the start of Advent with more of a feeling of hopelessness than hopefulness.
Perhaps the joy of the season just feels a little too overwhelming.  And the smiles, scents, and sounds of the holidays are more than you can muster.

It's ok.  I have been there, friend.

Sometimes, like a few days ago, I am there still.

We "made it through" the 29th better than I expected.  When Sunday came and the fog rolled in, it actually took me by surprise.  Joy was nowhere to be found and it took everything I had in me just to get to church.

Sometimes grief hits us like that.  One step forward...twelve steps back.

I expected it to come on the anniversary of our loss, but it didn't.  In fact, it was a beautiful day filled with family and giving back, of remembering him.  There were many signs from Austin letting us know he was there, which was a comfort, as well as the prayers and texts sent from those who haven't forgotten.

When night came, there was a peace that surrounded us and we went to sleep without the horrible flashbacks and painful memories.  Tim even grabbed my hand before we drifted off and said,
"It's been a good day."

Six years of healing will do that, or so I thought.

When morning dawned, it was the only brightness to be found.  There was a hurt I could not shake. Tears kept welling up in my eyes, for no reason other than to blind and sting.   Instead of the message bringing me comfort at church, it brought more pain, as our pastor shared a message of hope.  Of miracles and prayers of healing.

For a mother who prayed fervently for her son to survive one November night, it was difficult to hear.  Not this weekend.  Not now...

Evil hissed in my ear and brought back the flashes of my son that didn't come back.  Evil told me my prayer wasn't heard.

Though we had family activities and busyness the rest of day, the heavy coat of grief would not let go.  It made the process of putting up the Christmas tree, our final activity with Austin, even harder to bear.

The next two days played quite the same.  Murphy's law came for an unwelcome visit and lingered.  Monday night found me sobbing in the laundry room, after everyone had gone to bed.  Though it was hateful words said from an uncaring soul that broke my spirit, having an already broken heart allowed for the easy fall.  That night made up for Saturday's lack of tears, I guess - and then some.

This is how I welcomed December.  No tinsel and merriment, only heartache and grief.  And for a moment, I feared this is just how this month would be.  That this Christmas would somehow disappear into darkness.

But as God often does, He found ways to send me hope each day I found despair.  Sunday, a ding on my phone brought a hug to my heart, in an unexpected message from someone who found a RAK.  Their daughter holding a toy from the reverse shopping spree and filled with joy.  Monday random check-ins from family at just the needed moment and more messages of RAK recipients.  In all the years we've done the reverse shopping, we've never heard back from those who found them.  I guess God knew we needed it this year.

And Tuesday, exhausted and spent from the hours crying the night before, I entered the house to find a package on the doorstep.  Hand-addressed to me.  Priority packaging.  Whatever could it be?  Though the gift was visible, the card was the first thing I grabbed, although tears (happy now) soon made it impossible to read.

A friend, remembering Austin and knowing my love for butterflies, sent a beautiful afghan.  It arrived at the perfect moment.  I dropped everything, went to the couch, sat under the lights of the Christmas tree and wrapped myself in love.

This afternoon, home early, found me on repeat.  Sitting in the quiet of the living room, the soft glow of the season all around me, I realized joy had returned.

In truth, it never left because He never leaves us.  Grief can cast a shadow but The light will always find a way to overcome darkness.  And for that I will forever praise Him!

So, if you're facing loss this season, I'm lifting up a special prayer for you.  Whether it has been five minutes or fifteen years, I know grief knows no timeline.  There is no magic ending, no pill, or therapy, or neat little bow to wrap it up and put on a shelf.  If I've learned anything in this walk, is it to be gentle with yourself, to allow tears to fall when they come, and to let God hold you through the journey.  He will bring you to joy again.  I pray it finds you this Christmas.

Faithful Friday: Upside-down Christmas

The holidays are almost never what we imagine them to be. 

On Christmas Eve, children go to bed with visions of sugar plums, while parents dream of picture perfect celebrations.  But often when we awake, our reality lacks luster.  The magic we'd hoped for just doesn't arrive.

Such plans I'd had for this Christmas.  My heart was in the right place.  It wasn't about what was under the tree but who was around it.  I entered the season prayerfully.  Prepared.

Traditions of pajamas, appetizers, and seasonal movies kicked off our holiday.  That eve, between the light of the tree and fireplace, I'd planned to linger over Luke 2 with the family.  And we'd end with a late night candlelight service at church.

Yet brakes were put on with the start of a fever.  Try as I did to ignore it, by the end of the evening, I was beyond faking through. 

Unexpected.  Unplanned.  Upside-down Christmas.

Tim took the kids to church without me.  I wanted them to go and yet wanted them to stay in the same breath.  Proud of them for going on, missing them before they pulled away. 

I sat teary under the light of the tree and fireplace, fever elevating, and finished "The Women of Christmas."  Reminded of my blessings, praying for a better tomorrow.

But Christmas didn't come as planned. 

No sparkly Santa surprises.  No shouts of excitement and glee.  No Hallmark moments.
No seasonal spread calling us to the kitchen.

Why is this what we wait for?  
After all, the very first Christmas arrived so humbly.

There was no glitter but it was most certainly magical.

Our Plan B Christmas included a breakfast casserole, thankfully already prepared and awaiting the oven.  And I was grateful for somewhat-blasé teens, who appreciated sleeping in a bit later than normal.  Who didn't mind a mid-morning nap after opening gifts, as the flu continued to attack my energy and strength. 

By the afternoon we tried to salvage what remained.  Turkey frying outside and games at the table.  Laughter and a fever reprieve. 

But a page sent Tim out the door, someone else's Christmas turned upside down and inside out.   A house fire on this day of all days...

We waited.  We prayed.  Kept playing the game best we could. 

And then the call came.  The one where the lump still comes back into my throat just thinking about it.  The one where my husband is on the other end and sirens are in the background.  The one where I could hear in his tone that something wasn't right even before I heard the words. 

The call a firefighter's wife never wants to get...

Then the pettiness of being frustrated with this Christmas goes straight out the window.  In rushes humility in reminders that I still didn't have it right.  The season is not about me.  Or my plans.  Or my traditions.  Even if I had the best intentions in mind.  All while I push through and get the kids out the door and into the ER. 

Tim's injury, thankfully, wasn't as serious as I feared but seeing him on the table still brought me to tears.  To my knees. 

If we had nothing this Christmas, we still had each other. 
Sometimes things need to be turned upside down to remember all that you have. 

And in the center of it all,
the best gift,
already given all those years ago. 

Not wrapped, just swaddled in rags. 
With only the spotlight of single star.

Faithful Friday: Slow Down, Christmas

I'm grabbing the reigns of the seasonal sleigh and yelling, "Whoa!"

Carefully, I tiptoed into the season.  No rush, no fuss.  But time passes without our permission.  The clock ticks whether we will it to slow down or not.  And now I find myself at the last chapter of Christmas.  Twelve days until...

My heart's prayer is that I soak up the most precious gift of Christmas.  That I hear God's still small voice in the hustle and bustle of the holiday. 

When I tune the radio of my life into Him and truly listen, he has so much to say...

God has shown this to be so, as he's certainly been speaking to me this week.  The consistent theme I've heard is "Trust God."  Easy to say, harder to do. 

Wednesday, I came to him in tearful prayers and with a heavy heart.  It seems to be raining on my extended family as of late, with clouds of insecurity on the future.  Having a couple of big decisions to make, I needed his guidance on where to go next.  Truly, I'd already heard his answer, but being the stubborn, head-strong woman I am continued to ask, "But are you sure, God?"

That morning I opened my Bible to read the passage my daily devotion led me, Genesis 22.  At the top of the page were three words written in my hand..."Trust God Completely!"

Wow. 

The message continued throughout the day, as passages and whispers of trust came to me.  The night ended at church, with our pastor sharing the familiar story of Jesus' birth, but focusing on how difficult it was for Joseph and Mary to Trust God.

Then, this morning, as I nestled into my spot beside the fragrant Christmas tree, God whispered again.  In the stillness of the morning, before dawn has fully stretched awake, I opened a recent gift, "The Women of Christmas" by Liz Curtis Higgs.  One of my favorite authors, her words just reach out and grab me.  No other writer can make me chuckle and tear up one paragraph from the next.  She is real -authentic- and I could sit at her feet to listen to her read the Bible from Genesis to Revelation.

Today, she shared the story of Elizabeth and Zechariah.  How I can imagine their struggle to believe the news God shared.  When you've prayed so long for something, you almost can't believe it when the answer comes.

There's no easy way to paraphrase Liz, as you feel guilty for leaving off any of the nuggets to share.  But these are the parts that God chose to highlight for me...

"Fear not.  Calm down.  Why do we fear the worst from God,

when he loves us completely and always gives us what is best?"

 

"...your prayer has been heard."  Luke 1:13

 

The promises of God seem "too good to be true-too hard to believe!" 

 Yet believing is what Christmas is all about. 

 

And I'm praising God this morning for an answered prayer. 
A prayer that I expectantly waited over 9 months for. 
Pregnant with anticipation, in God's timing, the answer came. 
A new job in the new year! 

While I didn't intend to write two book reviews in a row, I can't help but give praise for this work.  If you buy yourself one gift this Christmas, this should be it. 

I know I'm beyond blessed to have this gift of time at the close of the year to curl up and reflect on the many presents of His presence.

Merry Christmas, friends....

Christmastime

Tis' the season for all things Christmas.  A time for nostalgia.  A busy schedule of activities.  Of traditions like baking cookies, crafts, and movie marathons.  Of dinners and parties, gatherings and more.  So many seasonal moments I look forward to all year long.

But, if I'm not careful, the calendar can soon become overwhelming and I find myself wishing the month away for a slower pace.  Or putting on the imaginary brakes to soak up just a little more time. 

Tim reminded me of this as I was penciling in our December and I commented how busy we were going to be.  He said, "We're as busy as we choose to be."

Then God whispered the same.  Yesterday, December 1st, would see my devotional all about time.  It's not a dated devotional but I know the timing of the message is not coincidental. 

From that whisper, I shared a post from a few years back about a changing tradition we began at my mom's to stop buying presents and instead spend time. 

To top it off with a pretty bow, our pastor's sermon would seal the lesson of ensuring Christmas is much more about Who we celebrate than what.  This I know, this my heart says is what I want remembered most of our holidays.

But the unexpected part I pulled from yesterday was that it was ok if I couldn't do it all, especially in helping others. 

Now, we've never had an extravagant Christmas.  The kids don't put big ticket items on their lists because we've always had a modest budget for presents.  We do however like to help those less fortunate and it's been a family tradition for us to give more this time of year. 

It's humbling to find ourselves in a place where we can't afford to do that this year.  Having recently lost my job, I find myself having to shift plans and traditions, declining yearly gifts for charities, and remembering that helping doesn't always include just writing a check.

Our pastor, through the voice of the Wonderful Counselor, prompted us to remember...the ultimate gift we can give someone is Jesus.  No presents, no food basket, no help can compare.  Yes, this is my Christmas wish.  This I can share.

So, this gift...the BEST gift, full of hope, peace, love and JOY I share with you. 
and you.  and you.

 

Hoping Christ is in every minute of your Christmastime.

This Christmas...

After the confetti of wrapping paper scraps and pine needles are cleared away, what's remembered of this Christmas?

Fireworks at the parade.  Tina's Baptism.  Hosting our first Lifegroup Christmas get-together. 

Baking cookies with the kids.  #23.  Youth Progressive Dinner.  Christmas movies.  

Impromptu McGuffin pizza party.  Volunteering at the Community Christmas Celebration. 

Our annual No-presents presents day.    Holiday snacks at Grandma's and the annual reading of Luke 2.  Early morning, 9 am Hobbit movie, which led to a Lord of the Rings marathon.   Viewing Christmas lights, while singing carols.  Eggnog shakes.  Hiding presents, then forgetting where they are. 

Noah not yet outgrowing leaving cookies for Santa.  Silly string fight at Mom's Christmas breakfast. 

Joy Dare - #1000gifts.  A surprise sitting for our great nephew Liam.

But, for me, the highlight of the holidays in 2012 will be the way we shared a simple Christ-centered Christmas Eve night. 

Breaking tradition, as is how most of the day was spent, we attended our first candlelight service.

It is something I'd always wanted to do, but when the boys were young, 10:00 pm just seemed too late to venture out.  Calming two excited and hyper-ready to see Santa-kiddos at that hour of the night, didn't seem possible.  Someday we thought...

Time passes.  Lives change.  Children grow.

And we decided this was the year to start something new. 

In the dark sanctuary, one by one, four candles were lit, representing the love, hope, peace and Joy of Christ, and then, from the center, the Christ candle began to radiate light. 

One by one, each member of the church took in prayerful communion, lighting their small candle from the center.  Watching the darkness slowly fade, as a soft glow filled the room, tears found their way down my cheeks.  I was overcome with emotions. 

Speechless from the simplicity and beauty.  Prayerful for the pain still felt in missing Austin, and pausing to think of so many other families hurting this season.  Thankful for the birth of our Saviour.  Grateful for this blessed memory and beloved tradition for Christmases to come...

It's Christmas when...

What signals the start of the Christmas season to you?

Putting up the tree?  Lighting the first Advent candle?  Decorating the house?  Baking cookies?  Hearing the first carol on the radio?  When your holiday vacation begins?  Snowflakes.?

Mine may seem strange, but it's almost Christmas when...I watch "Meet me in St Louis" on tv.

You can imagine my excitement when I noticed it recording last night.  Every November, I set it to auto record, never knowing exactly when they'll show it.  I keep telling myself to just go find it and buy it, but I haven't yet.  To me, part of the magic is the surprise of seeing it in my queue.

The family was startled when, remote in hand, I squealed with delight at the holiday find.  They did not share my jolly spirit, much like they do not share my love for old movies.  Tim will watch -and actually does enjoy many "old" shows- but if it's black and white or appears aged, the kids put on the brakes.

Last year, I began discovering Christmas Classics - all those movies I'd heard of, maybe seen a clip or two, but never truly watched, and I made it my mission to do so.  (You'll have to share your favorites with me below.)  But "Meet Me" wasn't part of that, because it has been a treasured favorite for a few years now.

One Christmas break, donning PJ's and beside a roaring fire, I happened upon the movie.  Not yet a full fan of the classics, I was hesitant, but seeing a familiar beautiful face from another favorite, The Wizard of Oz, Judy Garland sparked my interest.  One song in and I was hooked.

Taking place in early 1900s, for whatever reason, it reminded me of my Grandpa McGuffin.  The setting, scenes, clothing and music just reminded me of him and made we wonder if his young adulthood was anything similar.  Many of the songs were the same ones he'd sung to me as a child, some of which I'd imagined he just made up, until hearing them on the big screen. 

"Meet Me" isn't even truly a Christmas movie, just having a few scenes that take place during the holiday season, but it will forever be on my favorites list.  And, I'm eager to slip into some PJs with a steamy cup of cocoa and enJOY it very soon!

It came without ribbons...

On Friday, I shared some of our past and expected group parties of the season.  The Lifegroup Christmas meeting was a blessing.  So nice to share our home with our new church family.  My walls soaked up the prayers, as we stood hand in hand, circled around our living room, to close the night.

Saturday, when my uncle Ronnie called, surprising us that he was in from Illinois, an impromptu party began to form.  His voicemail invited us to Pizza Hut the next day, a frequent spot for us to gather when he drops in, but I called back with another offer.

Why not just have it here?

Just like my Uncle, he didn't want to impose.  Or cause a mess.

What is there to mess I say? 

Pizza boxes are easy to throw away.

A home is meant for crumbs and dust. 

Meant to be shared.  That is a must.

Meant to be elbow thick with family piled into one room.
For that is how, with family, love grows and blooms.

And so we did...just because.

And what a beautiful Christmas gathering it was.

How could it be so?

It came without ribbons.



It came without tags.



  

It came without packages, boxes or bags.

And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore.

Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before.

 What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store?

What if Christmas,

perhaps,

 means a little bit more?

Faithful Friday: Christmas Lights

Driving my mom home this evening, she said something very wise, nestled between shopping bags from our successful outing.

Noah was asking me about our weekend and I was rattling off the packed agenda of the next 48 hours.  December is just a busy, busy month I reminded him.

"But it is also important to pause and enjoy it too," whispers Mom.

Yes, Mom, it is...

Even me, someone who pauses regularly in every day to find joy and give thanks, needs a reminder now and then. Although I'm cautious that what I put on my calendar is Christ-filled this month and focuses on family, it is also so very important to pause in the season and seek God.  To remember the reason and feel his very presence.  To let his light shine through us so that when we share the holiday with others, we show Christmas.

And so that is just what I did.  Shopping bags empty, pjs on, I sat in the stillness of the living room, with only the light from the tree and fireplace glowing.  No TV.  No phone.  No distractions.  Just me - and God. 
I soaked him up, breathed Christmas in...and it was beautiful.

May I be reminded to do this daily.  After all, a week of December has already come and gone...

"For God, who said, 'Let light shine out of darkness,' made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ."
 —2 Corinthians 4:6 (NIV)



my sweet nephew, Leeland, sleeping under the lights of our tree this December



 

Holiday Hodgepodge

So, I'm not quite as organized this year to plan and write a series for Christmas, like the 12 days I shared with you last.  Funny though that the first 12 day post was about carols, which inspired today's writing.

If you're new and curious about last year's festive fare, feel free to browse by many of the handy links on the site, for posts such as "12 cookies, 12 decorations, and 12 memories" of Christmas.

Anyway, back to the point, if there really is one with this post...

I was perusing the internet this week, working on a project for our upcoming Children's party at church, when I found a beautiful video of my very favorite Christmas song.  Each time I hear it, I'm filled with a mixture of emotions and covered in goosebumps.  Seeing a visual portrayal along with it, just adds to the beauty.

"When you kiss your Little Baby, You kiss the Face of God!"

If you follow me on Facebook or Twitter, you do know that I've been sharing 3 gifts each day.  Much like the November Thankfulness Challenge, I'm listing 3 gifts every day, following a project called the Joy Dare by Ann Voskamp.  Amazing writer...check her out.

Today's was 3 gifts silver –

 my baby spoon. 

the Tea kettle Austin bought me with his own money. 

 every cloud has one.

In a season where such a focus is on what's under the tree, prayerful projects like Ann's help us remember this is Christmas. 

It's not too late to join me.

Amazing what happens when you pause in thankfulness

for the many gifts God gives us

every. single. day.

O' Christmas Tree!

What's so big...

you can't see around it.

..can't see over it.

..can't see under it.

And can't see through it?

...Our Christmas tree!

so big I can't get it fully in a picture!

What's new for us is that it's a real tree.  Our first ever.  Last year's pre-lit pine didn't make the cut as we packed away the decorations at the first of the year.  The problem was, I forgot until we were at the point of putting it up this weekend.  The kids and I searched the shed three times over, before Tim arrived home and reminded us.

So, much like our family is accustomed to, we moved to plan B.  A quick trip to our local fruit market for a magnificent 8 foot fir.

It's tradition that we decorate for Christmas on Thanksgiving weekend.  Of course, that weekend is also one of the most difficult for us, as it was our last holiday with Austin. The next few days begin our hardest season, as we try to move our memories away from the tragic to the precious. To hold onto the sweet moments we remember, instead of the pain that comes with this time of year.

One of the sweetest gifts Austin gave us on that last perfect day with him, was that he insisted we finish decorating.  We'd spent all Saturday working primarily on the outside of the house, taking advantage of the unusual warm November weather.  At day's end, when I wanted to call it quits, and save the trees for tomorrow, he insisted otherwise.  Reminding me of our tradition, we set to completing it all.  That night was magical, as we snuggled together under the glow of Christmas lights watching a holiday movie.  Our last memories as a family...

Several days into our tragedy Tim and I realized what a gift it really was. Those trees would've never been put up, in the chaos of our loss, and our tradition would have forever been changed.  None of us would now have those precious memories - like how easily Austin placed the angel on top because of his height, what ornaments were his favorite (because he'd told us that day), or the laughter he and Noah shared in decorating the kids tree.  Every moment now locked in our hearts to recall each season.

That gift also ensured Christmas continued in the Blair house.  Our first one completely without Austin was painful, but remembering pushed us to continue with decorating.  We imagined Austin smiling down from Heaven, and Noah wondered if our lights were bright enough for him to see.  It kept us going...moving forward.

Here we are four years later, once again a family of four, with the addition of Tina, but forever holding Austin in our hearts and memories.  We're stronger, thanks to many prayers and ultimately peace from God.  We are hopeful.  We are thankful.

Wishing you new memories, old traditions, and many blessings this holiday season!

It's a Wonderful Life

Last night, after the wee morning wake-up, day long feast, crafts, and celebratory chaos, we settled into our living room by the fire to relax.  Though it was only 6 pm, I could've easily went on to bed.  In fact, I'm quite sure Tim caught a few z's on the love seat in between our conversations.  The kiddos were happily sorting through their holiday stash, giggling and content with the day's events. 

After a few shows on HGTV, I scrolled through our list of recorded movies.  Several of the classics appeared but I was a little dismayed to find that all of them were over two hours long.  I wasn't sure my tired old body could hang on that long.  Something kept taking my remote to "It's a Wonderful Life" though, and although the info showed it to be three hours, I clicked play. 

Tim, snoozing, awoke to black and white on the screen.  Curious, he sat up a bit and began to watch with me.  Before long, both kids were on the floor, intrigued by the old look of the film.  Half an hour in and we were all hooked, engaged in the story of struggling man who's life never seemed to go the way he envisioned.

George reminded me very much of my husband, Tim.  A simple man who earnestly wanted to help people - just because.  But a man who dreamed of more for his family.  A man who struggled, questioned, sought for answers.  In fact, I think most anyone could relate to George's life.  Especially the moments in time that bring you to your knees, those moments that make you wonder why you're here.  What you're worth.

"Each man's life touches so many other lives."

The movie was a beautiful journey, full of laughter and tears, much like life.  And such a wonderful message, at a time of year we all are reminded of the precious gift that life is.   God showed us that with the birth of his son, the story so many of us reflected on yesterday and throughout this season.  But he also shows this with each of us.  No matter how meager our beginning, how difficult the path, we all have a purpose. Whether we're here for a brief visit, or are gifted with a long life on this earth, God's plan hopes for a Happily Ever After for all of us.

"Wonderful! Wonderful! Wonderful! How could it be anything else?"

A Christmas of Classics

Jealous of Noah's PJ day, I decided to create my own yesterday.  As it was my last day of vacation "freedom" before the kiddos were home for the year, I made it all about me.  Utter laziness was the agenda and I did it well!  I made myself feel better about doing absolutely nothing by reminding myself how busy the next few days would be.  Really though, who needs an excuse to kick back, cuddle up and watch movies?

I've recently found a love for old movies.  Classics.  "Meet me in St. Louis," as I've shared before, is a new old favorite of mine.  Someone told me that "Christmas in Connecticut" was also good and I was happy to stumble across it the other day (it was!).  Tim questioned why I was watching a black and white movie, yet he'll slide in front of the tv anytime he comes across "Gomer Pyle" or "Car 54" episodes. 

"Gone with the Wind" was my movie of choice yesterday, having never seen it before.  Though not a black & white, it's certainly a classic.  This movie was shot in technocolor, a rarity of that time, and it was certainly beautiful.  After spending a good chunk of the day watching it, I've decided to make a new mission.  Remote in hand, I began to search other classics to record.  I figure these next two weeks, as I'm hibernating into the new year, it'll give me a great head start to marking several off the list.

Truly, I'm a little embarrassed there are so many I haven't yet seen.  As Christmas is right around the corner, I lucked out on finding a few holiday classics I've never made the time to watch, such as, "White Christmas," "Holiday Inn" and "It's a Wonderful Life."  I'm eager to check them out, soon as they pop up on my DVR.  I also found "Casablanca" and am now scouring lists of the best classics, top 100 movies, and greatest films of all times.  It seems everyone is an expert and many of the lists differ.  For now, I'm going with my gut and ones I've actually heard of but never seen. 

Help a girl out.....what movies should make my list?  What's some of your favorite classics?