Guest Post: Top Three Ways to Remember the People You Miss Most

Joyful Readers... 

Please welcome Allison Gilbert, my first guest poster!  I'm drawn to her mission of keeping the memory of loved ones alive and know you will be too.


 I’ve never met anyone who’s completely stopped thinking about the person he or she loved; our memories flow in and out and wash over us at anticipated and unexpected times. And while many of us want to keep the memories of lost loved ones alive, the question that often confounds us is -- how?  The absence of a useful guide to answer this question is what prompted me to write my book, Passed and Present: Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Alive, the first roadmap for discovering fun, creative, and inspiring ways to remember the family and friends we never want to forget.

 My motivation for writing the book extends beyond filling an unmistakable void in bereavement literature. I want anyone who has ever lost a dear friend or family member to embrace their memories and celebrate them. Why? Because doing so will likely make you happier.

 Honoring past relationships has proven to have such significant restorative power that noted grief expert J. William Worden developed an entire bereavement-recovery theory about it. He explains, “Death makes you feel out of control. Taking steps to remember leads to empowerment and feeling empowered is absolutely necessary for living a full, happy, and loving life.”

 I have found this to be true. In the years following the deaths of my loved ones, I came to recognize that the more I incorporated spurts of remembrance into my day to day life -- as opposed to sectioning them off to a particular time of year -- the more I was able to embrace every part of me: the people who have passed, and all that’s good and fulfilling in my present. And I was happier.

 Below are a few of my favorite opportunities for celebrating relationships that are still important to us. In Passed and Present, I call these ideas Forget Me Nots.

 Repurpose Favorite Garments: I love this concept because it turns clothing into objects you can appreciate every day.  A few years after my father died, I made a quilt out of his colorful assortment of neckties. Other possibilities include:

• Using cherished garments to make handwoven rugs, table runners, Moroccan-style poufs, or throw pillows.
• Deconstructing fleece jackets and sweatshirts to make cuddly teddy bears.
• Stitching together corduroy and other thick materials to craft duffel bags, gym bags, and everyday totes with the help of Totes with Tales (www.toteswithtales.com).

 Make a Game of It:  Given how much we can do with technology these days, it would be a shame to not harness its benefits for children. You can personalize a deck of cards with photographs of both living family members and those you’ve lost. By integrating all your loved ones, children are seamlessly taught to value every relationship in their lives. The same sense of recognition can come from customizing a board book for a toddler or designing your own memory game. And, if you work with the eco-friendly website www.paperculture.com to create these projects or others, the company will plant a tree in recognition of every purchase—giving customers the opportunity to dedicate that tree to whomever they wish. Love that!

Share Family Recipes: My grandmother made the most delicious coffee cake. I prize the handwritten recipe and worked with Beth Digman, owner of Prairie Hills Pottery, to make it a central part of my kitchen.  Watch this video to see more. Digman creates several types of custom pottery and will make a special piece just for you. Here are two additional ideas for preserving recipes:

•  Frame a beloved handwritten heirloom as art for your kitchen.
• Create a DropBox or Google Drive folder where your extended family can upload and share favorite recipes.  This online repository can also include meaningful photographs.

The essential takeaway from Passed and Present is that absence and presence can coexist, and that engaging with the past, and bringing memories into the present, is what gives us the greatest strength to move forward, and helps us find our joy again.  We just need a few ideas.  We all just need to know how.

Weekend Reflections

My hope is that all women think their husband is a rock star.  I know mine is and I'm thankful every single day for all he does for us.  Seriously.  I love this man.

He's been on a roll lately of being especially handy.  While it cost his time, he's certainly saved us lots of money.  Tim's fixed the fence, the boat and my car.  The last two projects took a chunk of this past weekend.  I'm happy to report the boat was repaired in time for not one but three fishing outings.  But that was mostly because he took Friday off to do it.  For me!  He knew I'd really been wanting to go fishing and spend time together.  The weather was forecast to be amazing.  And being the wonderful hubby he is, he didn't want me to miss out being on water this weekend.

And I sooooo needed this.

where troubles just melt away....

And this...

mighty fine date night, if you ask me

Bonus being even more the next day....

Sunrise and sunset are my two favorite times to be on the river.  

There's a stillness to the water, a peace that settles in the evening.  When twilight comes and the river sighs.  Crickets and cicadas increase their singing.  And you just can't help but relax.  In the morning, before the sun comes up, a fog dances across and the reflections are beautiful.  I love watching the world wake up, especially from a spot nice as above!

My soul needed this time away, to pour out everything and replace it with goodness.  Nature, my husband, and time with God.  

Sometimes we sat in silence, a sign of a content couple.  Others we'd chat about anything or everything.  Most of the time he ribbed me for not catching any fish.  

The time with God is always welcome and needed too.  Part of it was spent in prayer, reading a devotion and catching up on my studies, and worshipping from the bow of the boat singing one of my favorites that the scenery inspired.

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

Saturday night, I surprised my mom and took her out to eat at the pizza place where Noah works.  She'd not watched him in action yet and I knew they both would enjoy seeing the other.  He was able to take a short break and snack with us.  Mamaw, of course, left him a sweet tip.  It was a special impromptu date with mom and I loved the time together.  Life is busy and although I talk to her almost daily, and see her every Sunday at church, we don't get a lot of one on one time anymore.

Sunday after church I was fighting a sinus headache and went to sneak in a mini nap.  I felt guilty for lounging when my hubby was hard at work repairing my car.  But Noah soon eased those feelings, when he hopped in beside me just to be close and play a game.  Although my eyes were mostly shut, we had a great conversation about nothing and I absolutely loved the unexpected snuggle time.

All of this was precious in the moment but after reflecting back, I am even more grateful today.  Within the past twenty four hours I've heard of the sudden passing of so many - both young and old. 

 Three children, siblings, I did not know.  My child-loss momma heart swells for that family and they've been in my thoughts and prayers since learning of the tragedy.  And two charismatic and unique individuals, one expected but painful for the family none the less, and one very much a surprise.  Though adults, both were still young by my standards and both the victims of terrible diseases. 

We know all too well how quickly life can change.  How fleeting life is.  It makes us appreciate the little things more and soak up time with those we love.  But even those of us who've survived tragic loss, still let life get in the way and busy dictate our schedule.  Sometimes it can't be helped.  Sometimes priorities need adjusting.  Sometimes we just have to grab hold of unexpected carvings and relish them for what they are.

So very glad I got to make memories with some important ones the past few days.  Because we truly never know when that moment may be our last with them...

Grace

I wouldn't say that I'm clumsy; rather, I don't possess the skill of balance...or luck.  Perhaps my middle name should've been Grace.  It would've been Noah's, had he been a girl.  But that's a story for another day.

This morning, I'm pillowed-up hospital bed style trying to recover from a recent fall.  As with most falls in my life, it was less my fault, more being in the wrong place at the right (er...wrong) time.

Steps are my nemesis.  Over the years I've dropped, knees first, while managing to keep a cake from falling to its death.  I've hurled from the top step, after my heel caught the "safety grade" and sent me flying, ironically in a hospital stair well.  Spilled out the door on icy steps and injured myself more in trying not to fall than if I'd just let it happen and landed in the snow.  And I've fallen through steps as they disintegrated underneath my foot.

Even when steps aren't involved, I've gracefully tripped over rugs and slid like stealing home base on the pavement.  Fallen into random holes that magically open up in the yard only when I walk through it.  And of course there was that time I flew off the back of the motorcycle when that lady ran a stop sign and nearly killed hubby and me.

Thankfully most of my falls didn't require much help or healing time. Granted the motorcycle wreck called for the lengthiest amount of assistance and time to heal, but this latest fall has required more than I prefer.  Perhaps it is that I'm pushing 40 and this body just isn't what it used to be.  sigh...

But this go around, I've been dependent on my family as bruised ribs prohibit you from doing all sorts of normal activity.  Like, for instance, breathing.  Now that fluid has set up on my remaining good knee, I'm feeling rather incapable.  I'm sure it's a funny site to watch me hobble, moan, wince, and waddle around the house.  Asking for help isn't my cup of tea though and it often puts me in a bad mood for having to.

I know I've complained, snapped or whined way more than I should.  My family gets the worst of it because I have to put on a brave and good face at work all day.  By the time I make it to the comforts of home, my guard falls and the real me shows.  The one that needs lots of Grace.

Thankful to have this family in my life, even when I don't deserve them.  Yet, isn't that what love is?  Even when we fall short, mess up, and share all our short-comings, they love us anyway.

What better feeling is there than that?

Actually, it's the kind of love God has for us.

A love that cannot compare on any level to even the deepest love of our family.
Forgiveness.  Peace.  Joy.  Mercy.  Hope.  And all-flowing grace.

Even though we don't deserve it.

Sufficient grace...That's something I can fall upon and find rest in.


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