Winter Woes

Well, it is only a few days into the new year and I've already failed miserably on my "one word" of being selfless.  Not to excuse it but we've been hit with some winter weather and this 40-something body is feeling it.

It is SNOW fun to get older.

My body is like a weather radar, beeping in protest before the first snowflake.  I've joked with my husband he needs to suddenly inherit a beach house and the income to "winter" in Florida.  I'm only a fan of cold weather when I'm able to recline by the warm fire and color, sipping hot cocoa, safe and snug.

The past few evenings, I've come home so tired and sore from being out in the cold I haven't been able to serve anyone.  In fact, my first day back to work, I barely made it through the process of peeling layers, donning PJ's and collapsing into my chair.

When Tim awoke to get ready for his night shift, instead of finding me cooking, he caught me snoozing by the fire.  Being the sweetheart he is, he went to the kitchen and whipped up a simple supper.  As he served me, I felt pretty guilty and a failure in my quest to be less selfish.

On Fridays, I often have the day off but with the holidays I needed to go in for a few hours.  Not having to work a full shift though allowed me to sleep in.  My phone forgot however and woke me normal time.  Now, a selfless gal would've taken that opportunity to get up and surprise her hubby with a hot breakfast.  Instead I remained in the comforts of my flannel sheets and awoke later to our excited dog, a sure sign Dad was home.

As I creaked out of bed, I found him making coffee and sweeping off the steps so I wouldn't slip on my way out.  He'd even brought home new gloves, overhearing that I'd lost my others.

Perhaps this short reprieve from my resolution is to show me what it feels like to be served, so I'll be better equipped and eager to help others.  Maybe I can chalk it up as early birthday goodness, as I will be celebrating another year on Sunday.  Or, by chance, it is a lesson in humility that we can't improve ourselves overnight.  And that, just maybe, I need to stop relying so much on my self and more on God to get there.

Trudging on....some days, uphill in the snow.

Sunshine Therapy

No matter how long the winter, spring is sure to follow. -Proverb

Spring is here!  And I'm breathing a sigh of relief....

It may not have been the sunshiny ringing in of the calendar I'd hoped for, but the milestone had me smiling inside just the same.

After the winter we've had, I think everyone has been anxiously anticipating the season.  In the past several days, we've had sneak peeks of sunshine.  On those days, no matter where I am, there is a visible improvement of mood and attitude. Though there's research to show our body's need for vitamin D, I think the sun provides nourishment to the heart and soul as well.

Yes, I'm sure in a few months the majority will be complaining about the heat, but for now, I'm eager to see a skip in everyone's step as we enter the season.

Myself, I've been in a bit of a writing slump.  Very unusual for me not to have something to say.  I've started and tossed more posts than I can ever recall.

For awhile I blamed it on the testimony I was preparing.  Knowing it would be the first time I publicly and verbally spoke of our journey, I was a mess of jumbled and nervous jitters.  But a week has come and gone since sharing with a room full of women.

Though I came home on a high and a lifted sense of purpose, at the computer, I'm still drawing a blank.  It hasn't helped that my blog has had some technical difficulties and Google has not been my friend.  Nor that a few loved ones are going through difficult times, both family and friends.

The month has just been unusually hard and I've found it a struggle at times to remain hopefull.

So Spring's timing, much like God's, is perfect and wonderful.  Sunshine is just the needed dose of therapy I know so many are craving.

And yet, when the clouds come in, necessary for each spring shower, may we be reminded of God's love and promises to us.

Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord; 

his going out is sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, 

as the spring rains that water the earth.”

Happy Spring, friends!

The promise of Spring

I find much beauty and peace in a blanket of white snow.  When the world is frosted in white, I find calm.  One of my former teachers said it best yesterday with, "God can paint a beautiful picture just using one color."  While there are so many magical views snow can create, winter itself can be very gloomy.  The shorter days, increased darkness, and cold temperatures can make it difficult to stay positive.  When not dusted in sugary sprinkles, winter can seem very grey.

This past Monday is said to be to be most depressing time of the year.  It has something to do with the combination of weather, Christmas debt, and failed resolutions and is thus known as "Blue Monday".  The date falls too closely to Noah's birthday for me to stay depressed but I can vividly remember our first winter without Austin and how cold and lonely we felt.  The frigid temperatures invited us all the more to close up and shut down. 

Just about two months after losing him, Kentucky was hit with a historic ice storm.  We were completely frozen in winter blues, being forced inside, huddled around whatever small source of heat we could find.  You were thrown into survival mode, without any preparation.  It was as if someone dropped you off for a camping trip with no supplies or plans.  Days were spent ensuring you had a way to stay warm and fed and nothing else mattered.  All contact with the outside world ceased, as cell phones were undependable and of little use.  It was a stressful situation for any family but added to our already fragile selves, there were days that were completely unbearable.  I was grateful for the dark, just to cry myself to sleep. 

Remembering back to the ice storm, reminds me of dealing with the grief of losing a child.  It is unexpected, unimaginable, and no parent could ever be prepared for such loss.  There are points where you feel you can't go another step and yet somehow you do.  Somewhere inside something takes over and you just survive, you just get through.  It is the coldest, loneliest, most horrible season you will ever experience.  But, hope eventually appears...like the first bloom of a spring flower...the first peek of sunshine in a day...the first glimpse of a butterfly, greeting you hello.  As the ice begins to melt and the cold gradually grows warmer, you start to change. 

No matter how dark and lonely it can feel, with God's help, it can and does improve.  The winter of your life will never stay forever, as the season of spring and hope is always near.  I know the promise that comes with spring.

The LORD will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength. You will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring.  - Isaiah 58:11