Monday, May 28, 2012

Wonky Weekend

Three whole days off.  A long weekend.  The unofficial start to summer.  Sounds great, huh?  But this holiday weekend hasn't been the relaxing, fun-filled retreat I'd imagined.  In fact, I almost believe I'm ready to get back to work, if it means we get to hit reset on the random bad luck the past three days have brought!

It isn't that anything major has happened and when you look at the big picture, it's probably very petty to have let any of it bother me.  When you're in the middle of the raincloud though it's difficult to find the silver lining.  Yet, if you know me, I try very hard too.  ...even if it's not until after I have a little cry.

After Noah's ballgame Friday night, the kiddos went home with Mamaw, giving Tim and me an impromptu date night.  It was already late but we spontaneously decided to drive to Bowling Green for a pre-midnight snack.  Little did I know this would be the most relaxing part of my weekend!

Saturday we awoke still kidless and decided to go fishing.  Actually, I'll admit it was all Tim.  If I'd had my way, it would've been a Lifetime movie marathon day, as the heat was beyond my liking point.  But, there are often times in a marriage you do things that wouldn't necessarily be your preference.  I stocked up on water, slathered on the sunscreen, and reminded myself it was quality time with my sweetie.

The river was beautiful when we arrived.  Calm and smooth, reminiscent of Willy Wonka's chocolate river.  Occasionally a welcome breeze would drift through, cooling my heated skin.  My sweet hubby did think about me and packed a fan, rigged to a mini power source, which was redneck but appreciated.  He found us a knobby shade tree stretched over the water we could duck under for comfort.  And the first part of our outing was rather nice.

The sun was pretty unforgiving though and managed to sneak in between tree lines wherever we tried to hide.  The mixture of the heat and the fact that the most I could catch was a snagged line (and deformed fish) was starting to rub me the wrong way.  By the time the flies started biting me, I was done.  Perhaps I'm pretty tasty because those little suckers would take multiple bites before I could swat them away.  My whining moved Tim out of the water sooner than he was ready, but at that point I figured I'd paid my dues, sacrificing nearly six hours in scorching sun for him!

On the ride home, all I could envision was a nice cool house and even colder shower, followed by a huge glass of peach tea.  When I walked in the door though, the heat about knocked me over.  It was cooler outside than in my house.  Something was terribly wrong!  A glance at the thermostat showed 90 degrees and rising and after some investigation, Tim asked me to start finding AC repair numbers.  I was crossing my fingers, wondering if we'd find anyone to come out on a holiday weekend; and if we did, praying the price would be something we could afford.

In the midst of all this, for whatever reason, my husband also decides it is a good time to tackle the lawnmower, which had been giving us trouble the past few days.  (Let's just say short story is, we've spent about $100, including stupid tax, on a simple back tire)  Trying to replace said tire, he misplaced his glasses and hours later when we found them, they were crumpled and missing a lens.  Thankfully he has a spare.

Luckily a nice man finally answered and deemed a broken AC in this heat wave an emergency.  A few hours later, cool air was filtering through the house again.  It was still a somewhat sticky night but we had two toddlers over to keep us distracted.  My baby niece and nephew wanted to stay with "Aunt Heather and Unca Timmy" and although it was a bit of a chaotic start, they were the welcome relief I needed that night.

The next day, after church, Tim reflected on how my fly bites might have saved our AC.  If I hadn't been complaining, we wouldn't have left when we did and probably wouldn't have caught anyone still working.  Not having air in a home with only ceiling fans and no other alternative on a record high heat wave, would not have made for a pleasant weekend.  Our poor puppies would've also been in bad shape, being stuck in their kennels in that heat.  So, thank you fly family for sending us home when you did!

The rest of the weekend was rather uneventful, compared to Saturday, but it did still have it's kinks.  The heat has remained horrendous, and cancelled a few outdoor plans, but I'm so very glad we can cool off in the house.  Our wallet is a lot lighter, but I'm just reminded to save more for the rainy day fund, as it often pours around here.  My floors are stickier, spilling not one but two pitchers of tea, but it just gives me a reason to mop.  My yard is still not mowed, as now that one very expensive tire is finally on, the lawnmower decides to stop working.  Guess the grass can match the overdue bushes and I'll claim we are going green or something.  Despite the storms, I'll remember the sunshine this weekend.  And not the one that heated up the sky....

I'll remember finger licking sticky ribs in a booth with my hubby, seeing him smile every time he got to reel in a fish, a boat picnic under a tall tree while softly rocking on the water, spotting two majestic eagles floating above us in the clear blue sky, the sound of the water spilling onto the bank and watching tiny bugs escape for drier ground, squeals from littles as they ran to the truck, hugs and sweet baby kisses, sleeping with Noah because his room was the coolest and lil Allen took up all the space in our bed, taking those babies to church...even if we did have to drive to vehicles, smoky tasty chicken on the grill along with fresh garden veggies, the first drive-in outing of the season, sitting under the stars with the family, unexpected hugs from Noah under those stars, the goosebump feeling every time I see an American flag blowing in the breeze, a standing ovation for veterans at a small town parade, getting out the camera and playing, capturing memories, seeing the kids laughing on the carnival rides, an ice cold lemon shake up, holding hands while strolling down the sidewalk, making the most of life's moments...whether it's a valley or a mountain,
or somewhere in between.



Friday, May 25, 2012

Faithful Friday: Transforming Trials

We shared our testimony Wednesday night. Verbally.

For someone who has shared both the trials and joys of her life, pretty much as an open book, you wouldn't think this difficult. The difference this time though is that it was aloud.  And being recorded.

It's so much easier for me to communicate in written form, especially if it's personal. Emotions don't get in the way when you're writing. Tears can fall across my keyboard without interrupting the story.
Now, I can certainly talk about many aspects of our life, and how God has worked through us, with ease. Our story is easy to share...up until 2008.

For the longest time I believed our testimony was the motorcycle wreck Tim and I survived in 2005. It was clear to see how God used that time to show us many things. That virtual stop sign was our wake up call for how short life is, how it changes in an instant. The wreck made us appreciate every moment. It strengthened our marriage and unified our family.

And I was content sharing the gratitude. I was grateful to God for the second chance. I was thankful for every moment - big or small. I treasured my family and every memory made with them. I took nothing for granted.  In fact, the time after the wreck was probably our most blessed years. Some of our favorite and beautiful family memories are from this period.  We watched more sunrises and sunsets in that time than our whole lives before. My prayer life forever changed. No longer did I only pray in need but also in thanksgiving. And I was in constant conversation with God. Life was good.

Looking back now I can see His hand in that wreck in so many more ways than I'd first realized. Though the wreck made me physically weaker it made me stronger on so many other levels. My relationships with God and my family were improved and solidified.

Little did I know this strength would be needed just three years later.

Sharing the story of losing Austin is still so very emotional for me. It's a struggle between wanting so very much to tell the world about how wonderful he was to the painful awareness of saying the nightmare of November 29, 2008, out loud. Speaking it is real. It's raw. And it's impossible to share without crying.

But I know that sharing it can be a help to others.  I just struggled in the days leading up to this with how best to get my words out without crying.  In the end, I just gave it God.  Tears did fall but he put a peace upon me, as he has done so many, many times through this journey, which enabled me to continue. 

I was also hesitant in how I could share the grace and the good that has come since losing Austin.  While I see it, some parts of me still hold on to the concept that we lost him for this to happen.  It's selfish, I know.  And in complete honesty, while I miss him with every fiber of my being, I know he is in the best place he can be.  He's where we all want to be someday.  He didn't stay here as long as this momma would've liked, but I'm grateful for the 14 years we had. 

Yet from the first few days of Austin leaving to now, I can pinpoint "God moments" of positive change.  Lives saved.  I can remember some of his lost friends and family at the funeral home and seeing the impact his death made on their life.  A few of them, while hugging me, shared new relationships with God.  One very dear boy said, "I want to make Austin proud."  And I've since seen the significant change in their lives.  Even in our own family, I see members who have a closeness with God that wasn't there before.  What better legacy could Austin have left behind? 

If this tragedy in some way brings even one person closer to God, what a joyous thing!  As I've shared before, Austin loved nothing more than a party.  Whenever we had friends and family over, he was our door greeter, with that giant smile that warmed you instantly, followed by an enormous "Blair Bear" hug.  I know.....I can imagine it in my heart.....at how my boy is going to be standing at Heaven's gate, so very excited and joy-filled, ready to welcome us in.  And that knowledge is what brings me joy, even through the pain of missing him.

 "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?"  - John 11:25-26

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