Women of Joy - part 2

Lisa Whelchel was another speaker on last Saturday morning I was excited to hear. I grew up watching her as Blair, on The Facts of Life.  I rooted for her most recently on Survivor and admired her example of faith on the show.

During her testimony she shared how she found God at an early age. Like myself, she sometimes wished she had some amazing salvation story.  No dramatic turn of events, no bells and whistles, no happy ending redemption.

Sadly the mistakes I've made in life were all post-Christian. But as Lisa shared, thanks to God's amazing grace, he still loves me. He still uses me for his glory.

Something hit me during her talk and I scrambled to write it in the dark...

I found God early because of what was ahead in my life.
I needed HIM for the testimony that was to come!

My testimony isn't how I found Jesus but what he's done in my life. Most of all - HOW he's been in my life. And despite the pain and sorrow I've faced, my testimony is that He has always been there with me.  I couldn't have survived the "life" I've lived, were it not because I've been held through it.

Jesus knew "in this life you will face many troubles" and, through His providence, came to me at early age for the foundation of faith I'd need.

Wow.

I'd never really thought about that before.  That, even though the testimony I share is post-tragedy, He was working within and in the background of my life from the start.  All those years growing up in my Grandpa's church, learning the stories, seeing faith in action, would be tucked away for future use. 

Isn't it amazing when He gives us a glimpse into his wisdom? His divine plan for us?  Even if it's past tense, to look back and see His mighty hand guiding and preparing me all along, is a powerful picture. 

It's one I'm joyfully glad was revealed to me from a dark seat in a large auditorium at Women of Joy.

Faithful Friday: Can I Get a Witness?

If you're like me your humming to Marvin Gaye right about now because of that title. 

Maybe I'm the only one who does that but, once I get little tunes in my head, it's hard to not to sing and dance.  This particular tune has little to nothing to do about today's post, other than it does bring me joy...much like the past two nights have done.  And the title is kinda catchy, once you read the 'rest of the story'.

You might recall me writing about an upcoming outreach our church would be doing.  It began this past Wednesday night.  As I predicted, I was somewhat apprehensive in the counseling role I would play, yet I knew it was in God's hands.  By the time our group met to pray though, calm washed over me and any uncertainty originally felt had disappeared. 

Until I reached the hallway.

Hearing the invitation, I remembered there were at least two other ways I might counsel someone.  One for re-dedication, the other for prayer.  I realized in that moment I'd only truly prepared for the possibility of leading someone to Christ.  My heart fluttered and I wondered if, in whatever situation that arose, I'd be prepared with what to say.  Thoughts returned to our pastor's prayer in that "we couldn't mess this up.  It didn't matter what we said or didn't say because God began this process long before they reached me." 

I am his vessel...

So many amazing moments have happened since I have let go and let God!  Words have flowed through me.  Maybe it was what they needed to hear, maybe it wasn't, but I can feel positive changes taking place.  God is most certainly at work through this outreach.  I am awe-inspired, spirit-filled, and excited for the days to come!
 
What has surprised me is the role I've been able to play in helping someone through grief.  I don't know why this didn't occur to me beforehand.  Maybe the fact that it didn't - and I couldn't worry or dwell on it - has helped.  While it is very easy for me to reach out and help someone through this blog, or in written form elsewhere, I haven't been as comfortable sharing my story in public.  Normally emotions get in the way.

Yet last night, I found myself sharing the story of losing Austin with someone who had suffered great loss.  Hearing the struggle they were facing and the turmoil in their heart as they questioned and battled with God spoke volumes to me.  I had to share the hope I knew.  Of where I once was, so deeply shattered by grief, to where I am today. 

When they left I realized it was the first time in the nearly four years since Austin's been gone that I've been able to get through that testimony without sobbing.  Yes, tears welled, but God took over and covered me in his grace to allow the story to be shared.  My prayer is that in some small way it helped, at least in a gentle nudging that leaning on God will help them in this journey.  In fact, it's the only answer I have for how I've made it through.
 

But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect.  -1 Peter 3:15 ESV

Faithful Friday: Transforming Trials

We shared our testimony Wednesday night. Verbally.

For someone who has shared both the trials and joys of her life, pretty much as an open book, you wouldn't think this difficult. The difference this time though is that it was aloud.  And being recorded.

It's so much easier for me to communicate in written form, especially if it's personal. Emotions don't get in the way when you're writing. Tears can fall across my keyboard without interrupting the story.
Now, I can certainly talk about many aspects of our life, and how God has worked through us, with ease. Our story is easy to share...up until 2008.

For the longest time I believed our testimony was the motorcycle wreck Tim and I survived in 2005. It was clear to see how God used that time to show us many things. That virtual stop sign was our wake up call for how short life is, how it changes in an instant. The wreck made us appreciate every moment. It strengthened our marriage and unified our family.

And I was content sharing the gratitude. I was grateful to God for the second chance. I was thankful for every moment - big or small. I treasured my family and every memory made with them. I took nothing for granted.  In fact, the time after the wreck was probably our most blessed years. Some of our favorite and beautiful family memories are from this period.  We watched more sunrises and sunsets in that time than our whole lives before. My prayer life forever changed. No longer did I only pray in need but also in thanksgiving. And I was in constant conversation with God. Life was good.

Looking back now I can see His hand in that wreck in so many more ways than I'd first realized. Though the wreck made me physically weaker it made me stronger on so many other levels. My relationships with God and my family were improved and solidified.

Little did I know this strength would be needed just three years later.

Sharing the story of losing Austin is still so very emotional for me. It's a struggle between wanting so very much to tell the world about how wonderful he was to the painful awareness of saying the nightmare of November 29, 2008, out loud. Speaking it is real. It's raw. And it's impossible to share without crying.

But I know that sharing it can be a help to others.  I just struggled in the days leading up to this with how best to get my words out without crying.  In the end, I just gave it God.  Tears did fall but he put a peace upon me, as he has done so many, many times through this journey, which enabled me to continue. 

I was also hesitant in how I could share the grace and the good that has come since losing Austin.  While I see it, some parts of me still hold on to the concept that we lost him for this to happen.  It's selfish, I know.  And in complete honesty, while I miss him with every fiber of my being, I know he is in the best place he can be.  He's where we all want to be someday.  He didn't stay here as long as this momma would've liked, but I'm grateful for the 14 years we had. 

Yet from the first few days of Austin leaving to now, I can pinpoint "God moments" of positive change.  Lives saved.  I can remember some of his lost friends and family at the funeral home and seeing the impact his death made on their life.  A few of them, while hugging me, shared new relationships with God.  One very dear boy said, "I want to make Austin proud."  And I've since seen the significant change in their lives.  Even in our own family, I see members who have a closeness with God that wasn't there before.  What better legacy could Austin have left behind? 

If this tragedy in some way brings even one person closer to God, what a joyous thing!  As I've shared before, Austin loved nothing more than a party.  Whenever we had friends and family over, he was our door greeter, with that giant smile that warmed you instantly, followed by an enormous "Blair Bear" hug.  I know.....I can imagine it in my heart.....at how my boy is going to be standing at Heaven's gate, so very excited and joy-filled, ready to welcome us in.  And that knowledge is what brings me joy, even through the pain of missing him.

 "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?"  - John 11:25-26