Making it through...

The Monday after Mother's Day. 

A sigh of relief.  The letting go of held in breath. 
Of pinching yourself so you wouldn't cry.  Of brave faces. 
Of broken hearts.

Mother's Day is not the same for any of us from days past.

How I treasure those early years of chubby fingers bringing me dandelions from the yard.  Of hand-print poems framed for the occasion.  Of clip on ties and crisp white shirts little boys wriggled in.  Of bear hugs and wet kisses.

Life is different now in our home.



Me & Mom - Mother's Day 2013



I inhale the sweet embrace of my towering teenage boy and say prayers of thankfulness for the son who remains.  Smiles come from seeing him help his dad cook dinner for me and sweep the floor.  Touched by the thoughtfulness of Tim pre-ordering me a made from scratch red velvet cake, my favorite.  Surprised by the rose and card from my loving momma, even though I arrived at her church to give the surprise.  Thankful for a meal provided by my sister's in-laws, who opened their home and shared the day with us.  Combined families, new faces, changes in tradition.  Heart tugs from the quiet but loving "Happy Mother's Day" from my niece with my good-night hug.

I'm grateful for the simpleness of the holiday, because life isn't a Hallmark commercial, and honestly, simple is easier on everyone.

Because here...

Mothers long for their babies, whether they've left this earth too soon, were never given the joy of being born into this world, or are grown but paying for mistakes and not around. 

Here...

Children long for their mothers, whether they've earned their wings from wrinkled age, or made bad choices that separated them. 

Here...

Mother's Day includes visits to a graveside to say I love you.  To a graveside that also includes a son and a momma's heart is broken over watching her husband waiver in grief and longing for what can't be.

Here....

There is silent pain in a little girl's eye.  Of what was and wasn't all at the same time and of what will never be.  A girl who always holds her breath in life, waiting for the next shoe to fall.  Who is afraid to let go and hit a pinata at a birthday party because every joyful moment she has was followed by chaos and pain.  Who's afraid if she breathes and lets go, this new life she's grasping onto will change again for the worse.  And an aunt who hasn't quite figured out how to fill that gap and patch up the hurting holes, so she treads lightly, but desperately wants to heal her pain.

Here...

We pray without ceasing through the day.  We're grateful for the blessings. And we soak up every joyful tidbit.  We laugh harder, when it comes, and tuck it away with gratitude. 

But here... we're glad when Monday comes.

Faithful Friday: Everyday Joyful Moments

Maybe it's the emotions of Mother's Day upcoming...
Or, the sad recent news of several friends receiving cancer diagnoses...
Or just the acute knowledge of what a gift every single day is with those you love...

Whatever it is, I've soaked up the blessings of everyday moments this week, grateful within the experience and later still upon reflection. 

This past weekend we spent a rainy Saturday working on a school project.  Something I've missed doing with Noah, now that he's a teen in middle school.  A couple years ago, projects were sometimes a weekly activity, and thinking back, I don't know that I always enjoyed every one at the time. 
As they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Elbow deep in sticky, melting marshmallows, Noah and I soon remembered why we don't often make Rice Crispy treats.  After about the 400th stir, he exclaimed, "Who needs to work out at the gym?  Just make these things!"

Tim walked through the kitchen at one point, as we were both stuck to wads of soon to be planets trying to mold them, and not suffer second degree burns at the speed of light, before the gooey bits of cereal permanently glued to the pan.  He glanced back and forth between us and the mess, shook his head, and exited quickly. 

What Tim didn't realize was how he missed out on the mini science experiment, as we worked to concoct matching colors for each of the planets.  Sneaking fingers into the frosting for a lick in between our painting.  Limitless giggles and jokes.  And watching Noah repeat, "My Very Eager Mother Just Served Us Nachos" a couple dozen times to ensure he had them glued into the right order.  It was a fun afternoon and I'm thankful he still appreciates and wants Mom's assistance.

Monday I dropped in on my Grandma with a double surprise: 

#1 - Me in the middle of the afternoon, #2 - a giant red velvet cupcake to celebrate her birthday a day late.  A pot of coffee and a belly full of sugar and laughs later, I left misty eyed and grateful for the simple moments with one of the most influential women in my life. 

Tuesday on the way home from picking up Tina from an after school activity, we began to chat, as we often do.  Our chat moved more to a serious conversation though and I regretted we were so close to home.  What I loved is that after pulling into the driveway, neither of us stopped.  We just kept talking, bonding, sharing...until we were done.  Twenty minutes later as we walked in the house, Tina remarked how surprised she was at the length of time we'd been outside.  It blesses my heart to think of how much healing, progress, and transformation we've made since she's come into our home.  Oh, the changes we've seen the past two years.

Last night, after our devotion, though few words were said volumes were spoken.  Praying for a couple who is facing uncertain days because of a serious diagnosis, Tim and I were painfully aware of what a gift from God our marriage is. 

We know how fragile life is, how normal can change in an instant.  Though silent, our hold shared how thankful we both were for the other.  It was powerful, tangible, and I fell asleep in the midst of ceaseless prayers for my husband, our marriage, and our future.

Everyday, yet anything but ordinary...these precious relationships I treasure so.

Every time we think of you, we thank God for you. 

1 Thessalonians 1:2