Thankful still

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

I still remember where I was when I found this scripture the first time that it actually sunk in.  It was shortly after our wreck and I was finding it still very difficult to get around.  It must've been several months into recovery, as I was driving again.  After what seemed a lifetime of hobbling through the house and out the door, pulling myself up into the truck by my arms and finally getting situated, I was at the wheel.  Out of breath, frustrated, and in pain, I wondered why I was being put through so much.  Basically, I was having a pity party for myself.

To ensure I kept up with reading my daily devotions now that I was back to work, I had moved a bible and reading list into my truck.  Most days back then, I took my lunch at the park and spent time reading.  That morning, I decided I needed it in my driveway.  I opened my bible and before even glancing at the daily scripture guide, my eyes fell on the verse above.  It was as if God had taken his finger and pointed right at the line he needed me to see.  Instantly, I felt his presence and was forever connected to that scripture.  I decided then to make the most of the situation He had put me in, and to be thankful for it. 

That scripture spoke so loudly to me that I wrote it down on an index card and taped it to my sun visor.  I read it to myself every morning - and sometimes several points throughout my day.  Whenever I suffered a setback in my recovery or had an unusually painful day, I turned to it.   I would rejoice in the pain, and be joyful always for the chance to still be here with my family....I prayed continually and learned to pray not only in need but in thanksgiving, and to pray for myself last, if at all....and I was thankful for every single moment from sunrise to sunset.  The lessons from that wreck were many and although I'm weaker physically from it, it certainly strengthened me in more ways than I could ever imagine.

This week has been a roller coaster of emotions, as I sway from appreciating the moments I'm given to clinging to memories of what once was.  Thanksgiving comes at such a difficult time for us, only days before the anniversary of losing our son.  There's a constant mix of a longing to have him with us and striving to remain thankful for all I still have, and to live in the moment.  I turned to that familiar and comforting scripture again today and paused at each verse.  I am reminded to continue in my trust of God and not to question or doubt his wisdom and guidance.  I'm reminded to remain joyful, to focus on the moment and to live fully.  I am reminded to pray when I waiver, without ceasing, on good days and bad.  I am reminded to remain thankful for ALL my blessings, both from the past and the present, and to believe God has plan in it all.