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Maybe I'm the only one who does that but, once I get little tunes in my head, it's hard to not to sing and dance. This particular tune has little to nothing to do about today's post, other than it does bring me joy...much like the past two nights have done. And the title is kinda catchy, once you read the 'rest of the story'.
You might recall me writing about an upcoming outreach our church would be doing. It began this past Wednesday night. As I predicted, I was somewhat apprehensive in the counseling role I would play, yet I knew it was in God's hands. By the time our group met to pray though, calm washed over me and any uncertainty originally felt had disappeared.
Until I reached the hallway.
Hearing the invitation, I remembered there were at least two other ways I might counsel someone. One for re-dedication, the other for prayer. I realized in that moment I'd only truly prepared for the possibility of leading someone to Christ. My heart fluttered and I wondered if, in whatever situation that arose, I'd be prepared with what to say. Thoughts returned to our pastor's prayer in that "we couldn't mess this up. It didn't matter what we said or didn't say because God began this process long before they reached me."
I am his vessel...
So many amazing moments have happened since I have let go and let God! Words have flowed through me. Maybe it was what they needed to hear, maybe it wasn't, but I can feel positive changes taking place. God is most certainly at work through this outreach. I am awe-inspired, spirit-filled, and excited for the days to come!
What has surprised me is the role I've been able to play in helping someone through grief. I don't know why this didn't occur to me beforehand. Maybe the fact that it didn't - and I couldn't worry or dwell on it - has helped. While it is very easy for me to reach out and help someone through this blog, or in written form elsewhere, I haven't been as comfortable sharing my story in public. Normally emotions get in the way.
Yet last night, I found myself sharing the story of losing Austin with someone who had suffered great loss. Hearing the struggle they were facing and the turmoil in their heart as they questioned and battled with God spoke volumes to me. I had to share the hope I knew. Of where I once was, so deeply shattered by grief, to where I am today.
When they left I realized it was the first time in the nearly four years since Austin's been gone that I've been able to get through that testimony without sobbing. Yes, tears welled, but God took over and covered me in his grace to allow the story to be shared. My prayer is that in some small way it helped, at least in a gentle nudging that leaning on God will help them in this journey. In fact, it's the only answer I have for how I've made it through.
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