Friday, April 27, 2012

Faithful Friday: Finding Rest

 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened
and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,
for I am gentle and humble in heart,
and you will find rest for your souls.”
- Matthew 11:28-29

If ever there was a time I needed rest, it's now.  Life has been hectic and chaotic, both at work and at home.  I'd say sleeping would be the only time I've found rest lately, but being sick, that hasn't been true.  Catching "the crud" this week, I've suffered from the symptoms, tossed and turned, and even had nights of insomnia.  And it couldn't have come at a worse time for me. 

This time of year is typically busy at work, but a new project has had me exceptionally occupied.  The coming weeks will be even more hectic as we launch a new program.  While I'm excited about this opportunity, it's just been another added ball to juggle in an already full schedule.  Combine that with the new mix of baseball season and the addition of meetings, plans and events for an ending school season, and you've got one crazy Momma!

Normally organized, I am finding myself forgetful, rushed and unprepared.  Yesterday morning is a prime example.  Noah's 6th grade class is on an overnight field trip.  Typically, I would've had him packed a week before with a detailed plan for every little need.  All the boxes would've been checked.  Instead, his last elementary school field trip was filled with chaos, as I packed last minute, scurried to get him out the door on time, and realized on the way out that I'd forgotten to pack his lunch.  Knowing I had nothing in the frig to construct a decent sandwich, I opted to grab something on the way.  First stop, right by the school...nothing.  The clock was ticking.  Thus we began a frantic search for a simple sandwich.  It took 2 calls and 3 stops to find something, and a dreaded drive to Walmart, to pack a decent lunch Noah wouldn't be embarrassed to open.  I peeled into the parking lot with moments to spare.

Aside from the obvious, why am I so harried and stressed?  Well, I've noticed that May, looming on our calendar, is seeming a lot like our November.  As November has us bracing to relive the horrible moments of losing Austin, this May is  a hurtful reminder of what could've been.  This May would've been Austin's graduation.  2012 would've been his Senior year.  So many pages of his life, ripped out too soon.  And we're finding ourselves continually struggling with this knowledge, as the signs of celebration are all around us.

With every graduation announcement, prom picture, and other milestones we see others sharing, it is just a painful brick added to our already heavy hearts.  I'm finding myself living the versus of the Casting Crowns songs that have brought me so much hope before..."If I ever needed you, Lord, it's now" and "In the arms of Your mercy I find rest."

Though I could so easily spiral out of control, down into the deep dark hole that is grief, I'm trying hard not to.  Perhaps on the outside it appears I'm keeping my head above water, but below I'm struggling, churning and trying to stay afloat.  If it were all up to me, I'd drown.  It is only through Him that I know I can get through this.  This is just another season of sorrow that will pass.  Hard as these next few weeks will be, I must remind myself that I'm not alone.  Just has He has through this entire journey, God will be by my side, even carrying me when I don't think I can move forward.  I can look back and remember other difficult, even excruciating moments, on this path that this was true. 

So even while my physical body can't find rest, I can place my heart with God.  He will soothe my soul and hold me through June...and every step thereafter.


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