Choices

According to multiple sources online, the average adult makes over 35,000 choices a day.  That number seems unreal to me.

Thinking through my typical day...
Will I get up immediately or hit snooze?  Shower or no?  Curly or straight?  Dress up or down?  Should I wake my son now or let him sleep?  Will he get up easy or struggle?  Extra coffee or make time for breakfast?  And that is only the first 15 minutes of my day.

Most of my choices are habitual, automatic, turning in places before I've really thought out loud.  At work and on the road I'm faced with choosing and prioritizing, shifting and dealing with constant changes in plans.

Once home, the ultimate question my husband and I face daily - what's for dinner?  Even being the planner I am, that one still plagues me, as it depends on my mood, energy level, and the weather to what sounds appealing to us both.

The majority of my choices don't have heavy consequences.  When I am faced with ones that require more thought, I am one to analyze and pray, if given the time.

Yet today, after a simple sunrise service, I've thought about nothing else but choices.

Sitting on the front row, my view was three simple wooden crosses under a sky, still streaked with black and navy, as morning began to wake.

There's a lot of focus put on the cross at Easter.  For Christians, it is a symbol of our freedom from death, the sacrifice of our Savior, but also a heavy reminder of our guilt in sin that led him there.

This morning though,my eyes shifted to the two crosses on each side.  And I was reminded how a single choice had such very different endings for the men who were with Jesus that day.

One chose life, in asking for forgiveness, moments before his death.  The other mocked Jesus and sealed his own fate.

Darkness to light.  One single choice.

As the sun began to stretch across the horizon, I noticed the glow it cast onto the cross in the middle.
At one point all I could see was light and the reminder of death had all but disappeared.

For the men on those crosses that day, they knew their time on earth was short.  Most of us don't have that foreshadowing.  But all of us have the opportunity to make the ultimate choice between everlasting life and eternal death.  Until we don't.

Where's your Focus?

My husband's simple prayer at dinner one night this week nearly brought me to my knees.

We were both struggling with back pain, though for different reasons.  I've been blessed to not really have back issues until the past month or so.  It has been one of the few parts of my body I can count on (or could!). Whether from age or changing needs at work, I come home most days lately in pain.  Tim is battling a kidney stone (ouch!) something he's been lucky to avoid for many years as well.  

As we eased down to our meal, we were both hurting but the words my husband spoke completely changed the focus.

"If it be your will, help us with this pain, though we know it is nothing compared to what your Son endured this week for us."

Lord, help me...

My temporary pain seemed so trivial compared against what Jesus suffered for my sins.  Was I really just whining about the inconvenience?  At the same time I was both upset and frustrated for Tim.  He's had a rough six months medically.  It's difficult to watch someone you love hurting, knowing there isn't much you can do to help.

When we're in the midst of troubles, it is easy to wallow around in a pity party and question why we go through the trials we do.  I know I've even tried to quantify it in the past, as if God is keeping a tally sheet and I'm somehow eligible for exemption based on a lifetime of pain and loss.

Yet, it's made me ponder since, how often do we get so wrapped up in our hurts and hangups that we have blinders to anything else?  

This world is so hectic and fast paced, even on an ordinary day we can walk right past someone in need without noticing.  But it's much more likely we miss them when we're bogged down by own issues and pains.  It's certainly hard to help someone when you're hurting yourself.

And that's just where the enemy wants us.

Friends, life is hard.  He wants you so focused on your needs that you don't have the ability to see anyone else.  Or, to be so inundated with physical and emotional needs that we have no time to dwell on the one that means the most - our spiritual health.

Facebook is flooded with prayer requests.  Every day I read stories that cause me to shake my head in disbelief.  Heartbreaking needs that pause me to pray.  We're so quick to ask for prayers on social media that sadly there are now even fake chain requests.

And I'm not saying we shouldn't pray for those hurting or in need of healing.  I believe in the power of prayer and am grateful for an extra outlet to lift those up in need.

But aside from my Lifegroup and a dear prayer partner, I rarely get requests to pray for someone's salvation.  When is the last time you saw a status update asking for prayer for someone who is lost? #prayingforsalvation

It just doesn't happen.  Maybe because we're so weighed down with the every day chaos that is life.  However, we have the power to change and shift our focus.  To lean in closer and hear the whispers of God.

When an ache presses me to move or take notice, my new hope is that it reminds me to pray for someone who is facing eternal pain.  If I feel overwhelmed from a minor issue, may it help me to refocus on what matters most.  Whatever we endure here is temporary.

Nothing - no pain on this earth - equals the void and loss that comes with not having a personal and everlasting relationship with Jesus.  

As we enter this Easter weekend, my prayer is that I'll be more burdened to notice those with the greatest need of all.  If I'm focused on One that matters most, I know He'll lead me in the right direction.

Faithful Friday: Butterfly Beginnings

Last weekend, my baby turned 14.  Aside from the joy of watching Noah growing taller and changing by the minute, this was a bittersweet birthday.  By this summer, he will have "outlived" his older brother.

That's a tough concept to process. 
And I was thankful to have the busyness of Noah's birthday to avoid it.  Mostly.

I know that by July, when Austin's birthday rolls around, it will be a whole new set of emotions.  My frantic-worried-protective-momma heart flutters at the thought of where we'll be, how we'll feel when Noah starts high school...wading through November...

Uncharted territory on this grief journey.

But for the weekend, I relished the time with Noah and his experiences.  Dinner at Red Lobster, a rare treat.  A basketball game with a 20 point win!  Fun at the shooting range with Dad and a shocking bulls-eye or two from Mom.  Sleepover with a friend.  A surprise family showing at church (two pews full!) followed by lunch at the house with chili and a yummy strawberry cake.  All in all, I think he enjoyed a weekend dedicated to all things Noah.

Saturday morning, before the ballgame, we dropped Tina off for a weekend retreat.  While a little sad she would miss Noah's birthday weekend, she was excited and ready for what was in store.  Tina had been selected to go on a Chrysalis walk.  Modeled after the Emmaus walk for adults, it is a little course in Christianity.  As she put it to her friends, a walk with Jesus.

Right away the butterfly symbolism spoke to me.  As we entered the doors to drop her luggage, I stopped to snap a photo.  A little hug from above on this weepy weekend...

I won't divulge much from her trip, as the walks are somewhat private and meant to keep it as an individual experience.  But we were overjoyed for her to have this opportunity and deep in prayer for her journey throughout the weekend.

Funny side note...When Tina explained this  trip to a group of her friends, one exclaimed, "They're going to make you walk non-stop for 3 whole days!?"

No around the clock walking (tee hee) but she did comment it was a pretty non-stop weekend.  She came home exhausted but filled with the Spirit on Monday night.  We're prayerful she holds true to what she knew before, what she's learned, and continue on the path God is leading her to.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord,

 “plans to prosper you and not to harm you,

plans to give you hope and a future." 

Jeremiah 29:11

As a parent it is so easy to worry.  To let this world saturate us.  To let fear creep in.  To stress about your children's futures.  I'm guilty of every single one of these.  Sometimes daily.

But when I feel doubt and uncertainties covering me, I hold tight to the promises I know to be true.  We're each assigned a certain number of days by God.  While that unknown can still bring a bit of anxiety, especially to someone who has lost a child, I know nothing surprises God. 

Above all, no matter what, I know where my children will be (and are) when they leave this earth. There is complete assurance in that truth.

^"but our citizenship is in heaven, from which we also eagerly wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ.  He will transform the body of our humble condition into the likeness of His glorious body, by the power that enables Him to subject everything to Himself."  Philippians 3:20-21