Wednesday, November 21, 2012

I'm Still Standing...

Twice on Monday, I was taken aback.  First, it was pleasant news to find out that an article I'd submitted to an online magazine on the topic of "Finding Peace" would be ran.  Second, I was asked to exclude (or rather reduce) my religious tone and sections about God.


This brought me great pause.  Instinctively my initial reaction was to say, "No God, no deal," but I prayed and thought more on the situation, and ultimately agreed with their minor tweaks.  Might I add that I'm in no way speaking poorly of the magazine.  I understand their reasoning for the position they have to take, even if my personal beliefs are different. And I was and am honored to be featured.  My allowance came from knowing not everything I had written about God, and how he's healed us through great loss, would be taken out. 

If even one sentence could make a difference, change someone's heart, then I was ok with that.

Maybe that one sentence would provide someone hope, or courage, to seek out God in the midst of their pain.  I honestly do not know how one would survive such a tragedy as child loss without God's help.  Truly, it saddens me to think of grieving parents out there who don't have Him in their life.

This adds to the concern I've had all week, after our pastor shared a scary statistic on Sunday.  85% of our county - a small, rural "everybody knows your name" kind of place - do not attend church.  On any given Sunday, 20,000 people are doing something else.  My town, which I've lived in my whole life, chose to raise my kids in, love and feel safe in... is not churched.  This makes me sad.

Have I been among the 20,000?  Yep.  I've been lazy, undedicated, lost.  I'd convinced myself for awhile that I didn't need church - that it didn't factor into the relationship I had with God.  Have I tried to reject God?  Tearfully, yes.  Anger welled inside me from the moment they called time on my precious son in the emergency room.  But I fought it.  I crawled myself out of the hole and reached for God, even through anger, because I knew in my soul He would be the only way I'd survive. 

In case you're curious, here's my original post.  Really, when I compare them side by side, there wasn't a great amount of change.  Still, those words meant something to me when I wrote them - and still do today.

Our continual restoration comes only from the Master Carpenter. God is the only answer I can give as to why we've survived all this time without Austin. Only through Him did we find peace, strength and hope. true those words are.

And, the only reason I am Still Standing.


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