Still Standing: October

Life sure has a way of knocking you down, while you're down.  At least that's how it feels around here sometimes.

Before we've even had a chance to catch our breath from a bumpy summer and unexpected change in our family, we receive more unsettling news this week.

We're really not at a place where we can share just yet, but prayers are appreciated, especially for my husband.

Though the future is uncertain we're holding on to the One who holds our future.

October is among my most favorite of months, but I'm realizing a trend that makes it difficult to love it fully as I used to.  It's very much a month of before...

I captured what I called the "Calm Before the Storm" in my first post as a contributing author for Still Standing Magazine.

Thanks to Timehop, I was reminded that I've had the honor of writing for this beautiful place of support for those facing child loss exactly two years ago.

My latest post with them has received a response I wasn't expecting.  Often it is those pieces I pour out quickly, which seem to resonate the most.  While the loss of a child is as unique as the person grieving, whatever my heart shared a few days ago met and matched many.

If you've faced such a loss, perhaps you'll find comfort that however you're feeling, you're not alone.

Who is a Grieving Mother

All that to say, sometimes I have to look back to see how far we've come.  No matter what temporary trial we are enduring, we've already faced the unimaginable.  And yet...

we're Still Standing.

The Firsts of Fall...

 There's been a crispness in the air this week.

And though the fall season will always be bittersweet, filled with memories and nightmares, I'm clinging to the good that comes.

Because JOY shines a light upon darkness and shrinks its power.

This past weekend was a whirlwind.  The type where you go-go-go and hardly have a chance to catch your breath.  My cupboards are bare and the house is a mess but, oh the fun we've had.

Friday night found us at the football field to watch our girl dance.  We've only had two home games so far this year.  The first was sweltering, even with the sun down.  This past was the extreme opposite.  Hubby and I snuggled under a blanket, side by side, and shared our first-first of fall.

A caramel. apple. funnel. cake.

Yes, can we please take two of my favorite things and mash them together?  It was heavenly!
Sharing it with my sweetie though made it even better.

We arrived home to a cool house and fell asleep to the crickets and a breeze blowing through our bedroom windows.  One of my very favorite things about the season.

Saturday morning, though my bones wanted to remain snug in the bed, they were drug out early for a jam-packed day.  Over the course of 12 hours we'd watch two soccer games with lots of smiles & giggles from the littles, a family reunion, complete with a low country boil, a birthday party, a movie marathon for the kids, and an evening out for adults with our Lifegroup, which included time at a barn and gathered round a bonfire.

We hugged.  We laughed.  We prayed.  And, of course, we ate!

Here's a snapshot view of my first fall weekend.

breakfast of Champions

 

Redneck Choo-choo Train

Hello Fall!

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Still Standing: Spring Showers

My monthly post for Still Standing Magazine was submitted earlier this week.  And, like always, nobody knew about the post prior to me sending.  Not even family because I like for them to have true reactions to whatever I've written.

My posts for Still Standing are raw, in the moment, or unedited reflections from my child loss journey. They do not always contain the joy I try hard to express on this blog, because through this walk in grief, joy has not always been present.

Having only been a monthly contributor for six months now, many aren't even aware I'm regularly writing for this publication.  This month, I write about spring and the memories of Austin the season brings.  A major focus of the story includes daffodils.

Monday, when I arrived home from work, these greeted me from the kitchen.

Picked by my mom and the kids.

And I couldn't help but feel a hug from above from Austin, too.

Go check out the full post here and see if you agree...

Still Standing: October

A month or so ago I received word that I'd been selected to be a monthly contributor for an online magazine, Still Standing.   What a bittersweet honor.  Such a blessing to be able to share our child loss journey, in hopes that it will help someone, but not a club I ever wanted to be a member of - or imagined I would be.

My First post was released this month and I wanted to share with all of you.  I won't always double post these but I know that many of you faithful readers are also members of this unwanted club.  My hope is that, if you haven't already, you'll find even more peace at Still Standing and will add it to your regular readings.

Sending you joyful wishes in the coming week.....

I'm Still Standing...

Twice on Monday, I was taken aback.  First, it was pleasant news to find out that an article I'd submitted to an online magazine on the topic of "Finding Peace" would be ran.  Second, I was asked to exclude (or rather reduce) my religious tone and sections about God.

Wow.

This brought me great pause.  Instinctively my initial reaction was to say, "No God, no deal," but I prayed and thought more on the situation, and ultimately agreed with their minor tweaks.  Might I add that I'm in no way speaking poorly of the magazine.  I understand their reasoning for the position they have to take, even if my personal beliefs are different. And I was and am honored to be featured.  My allowance came from knowing not everything I had written about God, and how he's healed us through great loss, would be taken out. 

If even one sentence could make a difference, change someone's heart, then I was ok with that.

Maybe that one sentence would provide someone hope, or courage, to seek out God in the midst of their pain.  I honestly do not know how one would survive such a tragedy as child loss without God's help.  Truly, it saddens me to think of grieving parents out there who don't have Him in their life.

This adds to the concern I've had all week, after our pastor shared a scary statistic on Sunday.  85% of our county - a small, rural "everybody knows your name" kind of place - do not attend church.  On any given Sunday, 20,000 people are doing something else.  My town, which I've lived in my whole life, chose to raise my kids in, love and feel safe in... is not churched.  This makes me sad.

Have I been among the 20,000?  Yep.  I've been lazy, undedicated, lost.  I'd convinced myself for awhile that I didn't need church - that it didn't factor into the relationship I had with God.  Have I tried to reject God?  Tearfully, yes.  Anger welled inside me from the moment they called time on my precious son in the emergency room.  But I fought it.  I crawled myself out of the hole and reached for God, even through anger, because I knew in my soul He would be the only way I'd survive. 

In case you're curious, here's my original post.  Really, when I compare them side by side, there wasn't a great amount of change.  Still, those words meant something to me when I wrote them - and still do today.

Our continual restoration comes only from the Master Carpenter. God is the only answer I can give as to why we've survived all this time without Austin. Only through Him did we find peace, strength and hope. .....how true those words are.

And, the only reason I am Still Standing.