Friday, May 4, 2012

Faithful Friday: Choosing Joy

"....Do not sorrow, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” - Nehemiah 8:10


Having written a few guest posts lately, I've reflected more on how I came to choose joy.  I think in the beginning of this blog journey, I was just on auto pilot.  It was as if something deep inside me just put me through the motions.  Unexplainable. 

I can still recall that night in the bed when I was literally brought awake with this message.  Something stirred inside my soul and it whispered, "choose JOY!"  It was so persistent, I was led to the computer in the wee hours of the night and thus, this blog began. 

We were a year and a half into our loss.  Infants in grief really.  While the initial shock had faded and the replay of that nightmare not so frequent, the pain was still ever raw.  Though the stages of grief never arrive in order or in a neat little timeline, for that moment I was on an upward turn.  I know now that, though I didn't realize it at the time, I was making a choice.  Grief was apparent.  Pain from child loss would never cease.  I could choose to drown in my sorrow, or cling tight to my Lord and find joy.

I'm so very grateful - beyond words - that I chose the latter. 

Looking back from the very beginning, where I am today seems almost impossible.  I was shattered.  Broken.  Beyond repair.  Crumbled, literally, in a sobbing mess on my living room floor.  Days became night, nights became day.  Though I pleaded with the world, life wouldn't pause.  I screamed for time to just stop.  I was hurt.  I was angry with God.  Strapped into a roller coaster I didn't want to ride, I was headed for the deepest, darkest and loneliest journey of my life.

How I ended up where I am today is beyond me.  There is only one explanation and that is through the strength of my God.  He's pushed me on days when I needed it, given me peace when there were no other options for survival, and held me through it all.  And most of all, he's given me the eyes to seek and find joy, which is an unimaginable and beautiful gift I never thought possible.

Whatever sadness you are facing today, however deep in despair you may feel, grab hold of God. 
He can strengthen you and show you the joy of each day again...


sidenote....
I had a goosebump, Austin hug moment just now selecting this photo.
A simple Google search of today's scripture found more photos of JOY and little butterflies than anything else.
Just another unexpected dose of JOY for my day!







2 comments:

Brownie said...

Great post! God can move us through the sadness and hard parts of our lives if we let him. So inspiring!

Heather said...

Very true. Thanks for stopping by!

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