Wednesday, March 5, 2014

When Life Is...Life

Mercy, it's been a week and it is only Wednesday!

The start of my commute to work yesterday morning was a bit apprehensive, as we'd had another round of Winter.  For hours this weekend, I listened to ice hitting the windows.  We awoke Monday to a blinding white, crystallized snow.  Thankfully, our campus was like every school in the state of Kentucky and closed for the first day of the week.  Tuesday however, I needed to brave the weather and get back to work.

Just getting out my door was an event but, thanks to my hubby's loving and strong arms, I felt secure.  It was just as much a process to get inside the truck, as the doors were frozen shut.  Again, thanks to my DH and a trusty can of de-icer I was eventually set and on my way.

Our subdivision road was an icy mess and it is often how I judge the condition of others.  I know this isn't usually true, but to look out and see a plastic sheen across the road tends to discourage travel from this chicken little. 

For we live by faith, not by sight.  2 Corinthians 5:7
Though I try to live by this scripture in life, I so often find myself living by sight.  I see an icy road, therefore I believe the whole trip will be horrible and dangerous.   I braced myself for the worst, only to find mostly clear roads the whole drive. 
God reminded me on my commute to change the way I look at things. 
Not to judge at face value.  To remember there is usually more than meets the eye. 
And to not look ahead at life with worry, but instead to trust in Him.
Running just a few minutes behind, from the scrape-and-spray morning shuffle, the turn for my office was in sight.  I was almost home free.  And then... he hit me.


I saw it coming the split second before it did, as I could see him cutting over into my lane to make a turn, with no regard for my presence.  Bracing, horn blaring, my willing it not to happen didn't pause or delay the end result.  Though I hoped for a different outcome, impact was inevitable. 

A morning changed.  Delayed.  Frustrations and inconveniences. 

In this case, every bit of planning and cautious driving didn't change things.  Icy weather didn't cause the wreck, just distracted driving.  Or rather, in the other driver not actually seeing what was right beside him!

Needless to say, it was bad enough to have had the wreck but the fact that he didn't even ask if I was ok and then made an inaccurate statement to what happened made for a very bad morning and day.

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.  Hebrews 11:1

This morning I set out, determined to make it a better day.  I got up earlier and was headed out the door un-rushed and ahead of schedule, thanks to the kids having yet another day off school.  Cautiously I stepped out the door on my own, careful to step around the ice and onto the freshly cleaned areas my husband prepped last night.  Easing into the car, I decided to check my own glove box for those pesky little cards. 

Much to my dismay I wasn't any more organized than Tim.  2013 was the most recent I could find.  At least mine were a year more recent than his, I mumbled. 

Knowing my luck, as I could just picture the irony of having some type of accident and being cited two days in a row, I decided to brave the slippery steps again and enter the house to print more cards.

A slow computer and several frustrating moments later, I exited the house with a freshly printed set, now in a rush to make the drive to work on time.  As careful as I was, my foot slipped and I went down anyway.

I'm destined to be covered in bruises.

Maybe it's my life's mission to have swollen lumpy knees.

Are you kidding me?!

It was a miserable trip down and an excruciating trip back up, as my injuries haven't fully recovered from my happy Valentine's spill.  Sobbing, soaking wet, and bleeding, I sat in my car and just broke.

Life is just unfair. 
I quit. 

Most of my commute, I complained to God.  Cried.  Yelled even. 

Why were things so hard?  Why do I feel constantly defeated.  Knocked down again and again.

Sometimes literally.

I'm tired of being positive.  I don't want to look at the bright side.
And I certainly don't want to tell others how to find joy. 

(Insert major pity party)

And then God sings to me through my radio....

One million reasons why, you shouldn't even try.
After all you're just one heart, a single candle in the dark.
And there are shadows here, feeding on your fears,
That you don't have what it takes

- who are you to make a change?
But oh, oh, don't underestimate the God you follow.

Whatever you do, just don't look back.
Oh somebody needs the light you have.

Whatever you do, just don't lose heart.
Keep on pushing back the dark,
Keep on pushing back the dark.

The city on a hill, it should be shining still.
Every sinner saved by grace, has a purpose, has a place
Inside the bigger plan, we might not understand.
But if we just keep walking on, we will see the Kingdom come, yeah.

Whatever you do, just don't look back.
Oh somebody needs the light you have.
Whatever you do, just don't lose heart.
Keep on pushing back the dark,
Keep on pushing back the dark.

-Pushing Back, Josh Wilson
And I look at my bleeding and punctured hands from the steering wheel and remember how pierced His were for me.  How selfish and insignificant my little tantrum has just been.  All because life hasn't been sunshine and roses this week. 

But on this first day of the Holy Season, might I pause to reflect on the suffering Jesus endured. 
For me...

No matter the trials of this life....I have assurance in what eternity holds.

Knees bent,
no matter how bruised.


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