Friday, July 29, 2016

Day 29: Blogiversary

Six years ago, God woke me from the middle of the night and set me at our living room computer.  He whispered that I needed to search for joy and thus, this blog was born.  Sitting here tonight, thinking back on the journey and how far He's brought me is surreal.

Reading my first post after beginning this challenge, I wrote about the hope that this became my way of viewing life.  Although I am sure there are days I complain way more than pause to appreciate, overall this challenge has changed me for the better.  Rather, He's changed me.  And for a mom who was spirtually spiraling, I am eternally grateful.

Today I expected to be difficult.  Last night's emotions, though somewhat valid considering the flash floods we've endured, was in no doubt due to the anxiety of Friday.  For weeks I've known that this afternoon would be spent in a mandatory CPR training for work.

One might find it strange that a training meant to help prepare you to save someone's life would cause and emotional upset but, when you've lost a child, you are not in control of triggers.  Two years ago when taking this class, I did not expect the flood of memories that came with seeing CPR.  Without warning, I was drug back to that horrible night in the woodline by our house.   And with each count and push, my mind flashed to my husband performing it on our son.  Hours later, I left the training, crawled into bed and wept.

So today was met with much apprehension.

As with most Fridays, the morning began in Bible study and we wrapped up the final lesson in our book.  The exercises this week were somewhat a struggle, having to ask myself who I didn't care about, who I didn't take the time to see in this world. Those whose names I do not know.  The video summarized my earlier questions and shone light on the fact that, while I like to think I care about everyone, my actions don't always follow through.

This afternoon, watching the CPR training video, God helped distract the painful flashes that began to come by revealing more about seeing people with his eyes.

In one scene, an emergency worker is responding to unconcious male behind the wheel.  The first thing she does is ask his name, to the daughter distraught on the sidelines.  As she approaches him, she uses his name.  She's rendering aid he needs to live and begins with knowing his name.

The parallel helped me push away the nightmare of that night and focus on the future.

How many people do I cross every single day that I often don't take the time to see?  Do I pause to lock eyes with the cashier giving me my change?  The man beside me in traffic?  The tired mom shopping in the aisle?  The family behind me at church?

How often am I wrapped up so much in my day, my life that I forget every moment is His?  Who is desperately waiting for the first-aid that can bring them eternal life but I don't take the time to even know their name?

This may seem a somewhat heavy post for a topic about joy but truly, what is joy if it isn't shared?  And I can think of no other joy better to give away.

Thank you, Lord, that six years later you've not only restored my joy but you've helped me have a heart for sharing it with others.  Take my life and let it be yours....


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