Sunday, August 22, 2010

Moments of Sunshine

Sharing in someone else's happiness is maybe one of the best joys there is. To see someone smiling and enjoying themselves makes me smile inside and out, especially when they are someone you love.

Noah's had a busy, fun-filled weekend and it has been such a delight to watch him experience it. Friday night was a first for him - a group date. Now, every time he heard me say the D-word, he'd correct me with a sigh and, "MOM, it's not a date!" but there were girls present so that's what I'm calling it. And I noticed a little more mirror checking than usual so I think their presence was on his mind more than he wanted to admit.

He kept me smiling all afternoon, asking every five minutes what time it was, pacing, checking his hair again, and talking or texting in between it all. I was excited for him and could remember my first trip to the movies without adult supervision. While he didn't share a lot about the evening, his smile when I picked him up was all I needed to see.

Saturday was a busier than planned day, full of errands and housework, since we awoke to rain. In between we took Noah to his first basketball game of the season. He's playing for the "Future Eagles," which is hosted by the local high school. They teach the kids drills to improve their play and let them scrimmage against each other. It's a good warm-up for Noah going into his school basketball season.

Being in the high school is very difficult at times, as it's filled with memories of Austin. I feel like half my heart is always drifting, remembering, breaking all over again when I'm there. The other half is rooting for Noah, watching him bounce between two goals, wishing with every ounce in me that he'll have a bright future in this gym and at the school. My mind dreams of how he might grow, what he'll be like in a few years when he's in high school, and I'm filled with hope.

When I think back to yesterday though most of my biggest smiles came from the interactions between Noah and Tim. They seem so small to write about but it filled my heart each time and always left me smiling or laughing, or both.

They both like to pick on each other, always poking, tugging, pushing, and playing a joke on. It seemed like every time I turned around, they were doing something to each other. Tim would get the better of Noah and he'd run back to tell on him, laughing the whole time, but secretly hoping it will get his Dad in trouble.

I remember a time when there wasn't so much playfulness or laughter. I remember a time when our days were dark I wondered if we'd ever smile again. There is still sadness, every day, and I can't imagine a day that will ever go by that we don't pause and remember and our hearts ache. But, there is promise in that our days now are filled with more sunshine than clouds and that remembering Austin doesn't always lead to tears. I think that is what makes those little, normal, every day moments of sunshine that much more special - and worth writing about.


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